The Skinny Jeans Epidemic
3:15AM on June 15, 2009
It's a lovely day in the neighborhood. The sun is shining, the flowers have bbloomed and are gorgeous for this time of year. All the signs of summerhave appeared......even the newest fashion statements of the season. As I walk down the concrete beauty that is Cleveland, I can't help but stop and stare at the assortment of fashion statements being made today. Ladies rockingg leggings and stilettos and men wearing Roc-a-wear skinny jeans. Skinny jeans? yes, SKinny jeans!!!
Skinny jeans ( may also be called baby killers, nut crushers, nut crackers, or the gas chamber) are the jeans that are so, so deathly tight that you can count how much chnage is in the person's pocket.these jeans are the jenas that if you make the wrong move while walking they could burst like the Hoover dam, leavingyour horse and its horsemen exposed. These are the jeans that every man loves to see on a super thick woman. all tight and shit like spandex, showing every curve, nook and cranny. Yes, on women these jeans are fly as hell. but on men, let's just say it's not the business.
I have noticed that this fad of tight jeans among males between the ages ofo 18 and 29 is on the rise. The rate at which this horrid fashion statement has spread is alarmin. After talking with a few of my rude buddies across the U.S, it is safe to say that males are trying out this new form of nut punishment in every major city. It seems as though the self proclaimed "gangstas" whom once wore jeans 3 sizes too big, are opting to by jeans 5 sizes too small. The extreme change has me worried.
Being the Freak that I am, I beg and plead with all men on rude.com to re-unite and say NO to the skinny jeans epidemic. Skinny jeans are unhealthy for the you and your nut sack. Wearing skinny jeans too often can cause the following physical and social health problems side effects:
1. Premature dick wrinklege
2. Deformation ( constant wearing of skinny jeans will cause dick to stay in the shape of a ball over time)
3. The sperm in your dick will overheat , killing ur baby making effect.
4. May cause dick to become temporarily impotent form constantly being balled up
5. In extreme cases, dick skrinkage
6. In EXTREME, EXTREME cases, permanent lose of dick ( due to it being jammed in zipper)
Now after that small health advisory info on skinny jeans, I am asking that the skinny jeans be deemed unsafe and a health hazard to all the freaky men in the world. If you love your dick, penis, one eyed monster, whaterver you call it, then please, please say NO to the skinny jeans epidmeic.
This message has been brought to you by HELL NO 2 Skinny Jeans Campaign!!
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