My Blog :: Ten years ago I happen to find myself at one of those uncomfortable psuedo liberal parties in the hills of hollywood where people usaully went to get not-so-quietly drunk, abuse pescription meds and talk about endless unfiltered politics .. i was there but for the good graces of my clique ,, a ragtag group of pirate nixons if i ever saw one .. It was a view into a world I had little use for but could not pull away from .. I had somehow come to take up the "token Black guy" position in this group and the cost of my vicarious entertainment at this party was the endless sermonizing and apologizing for slavery .. the righteous indignation at the audacity of blacks wanting reparations for said slavery .. As usual I just smiled and nodded at these displays of inept buffoonery and social awkwardness that emanted from "not Knowing" .. Hell, I even admit cupability by my very presence ... ...anyway this is rude.com and you're reading this for a juicy sex story ... ... The host of the party "Bill" had unknown to me ...promised to hook one of these arty farty types with a big black guy ... never mind that i was of medium height and build .. my bespectacled demeanor far from the mandingo she was looking for .. Yep, there's a saying in hollywood ... "They either wanna fuck of they wanna FUCK you " ... and this was unknown to me at the time .. my plight as it were. Leslie had starred in a couple of C movie pics, was blond, frighteningly thin and had one of those fucked up page boy, ellen De Generes hair cuts .. Yeah, totally my type .. NOT !! .. I spent the evening alighting from one social group to the next ... most of the guests were talking about local indie music and bands ... a lot were talkin about the latest Wienerdog video [local performanceartist] ...Skat is really not my thing .. really .. Leslie spent her evening spot chasing me from clique to clique ... you just gotta love Los angeles social politics .. go to a party to a party just to hang out withthe friends you came with and if your're lucky .. you snowball into some one else's group of friends... .. I always tried to tell myself that this wasn't me .. that I was so much better than the social climbers around me ... I was wrong .. .. so, i guess I gotta get to the fuckin part ... Leslie was becoming increasingly fustrated to the point of heated distraction and had decided to lay it all on the line most bluntly ... "What's a girl gotta do to get a little cock out of ya ?!!' -what a lady- I was unwilling to answer, perhaps due to the initial shock factor or perhaps that my answer would have elevated the threat level to red ... "Do you want some whit pussy or not bra ?" "Uhm-I guess not." .. At this point Leslie "accidentally spilt her drink on my windbreaker and stormed off .. I was relieved and very, very ..wet. I fought my way through the crowd only to find the restroom full of people having that "Scarface moment" with a pile of coke ... .. Recreational drugs are only recreational if you can take the shit and avoid fucking with the clean people in the room ... People usually take that shit and start getting pissed at the square which was usually me ... anyway, i found my way to Bill's personal restroom which was off limits to everybody but Bill .. fuck'em .. He had placed me in the fire with that dried up twat any way ... I would quietly enjoy using his meticulously monogramed towels and gleefully pissing all over his oak toilet seat [Bill actually sat down to piss, because he didn't want to damage the material.] .. .. Those towelswere fucking sweet and repressed twit that he is ... Bill even had fiber optics running through the towel rack that heated the material ... ... after cleaning my windbreaker to the best of my ability, I turned to find a woman seated on the toilet quietly pissing and nonchalantly starring at me .... I'd seen her in clique number seven that some of my people actually knew, but i hadn't caught her name .. "Hey .. How's it goin ?" "Were you sitting there the whole time?" "Yup." "Not saying anything .. cool with it ?" "Yeah, so .. I'm not having a cow or nothin' ... 'sides, I saw that old chick dump her drink on you .. totally fucked up." "Excuse me, but you are using the bathroom aren't you?" ....she flushed ... "I was." .. I was still reeling from the fact that she was sitting there and then she stood up pulling her flowered granny panties up over suprisingly voluptuous thighs. She smiled and said her name was Diana. She was wearing what looked to be a catholic school girl's uniform, knee high socks and all .. ... She looked like a white girl, but her voice branded her something else entirely .. kinda sounded a little street .. not in the forced show "bizzness" way you usually find at these parties. . "Aren't you gonna use the john dude ?" I didn't answer. "Oh- Okay." She turned her back to me. "You might wanna step out side Leslie." "Fuck no .. I was here first. Besides, what do you think i'm gonna do anyway?" "Its just that ... uh, screw it." I took that nagging piss. Forgot to piss on Bill's seat though. Leslie explained that she had been squatting in the bathroom to get away from a paticularly annoying roommate who was trying to get into her pants. I told her my story. We talked and talked ... just about everything. Leslie was from south LA and was actually half russian and half latina. She always downplayed her mixed heritage because people made a big deal out of it and constantly questioned her ... ... I told her I was all nigger ... She laughed ... I was relieved .. Usually people got upset when I said the N word in un-african american company. It's okay to think it, but you just cant say it ... " Wanna kick it ?" "Huh?" Leslie blinked her heavily shaded eyes and tapped me on the shoulder. "You wanna go with me and vibe .. Just like .. Hang in a car and talk shit." I nodded and followed Leslie out into the party. she had tied a sweater around her waist, but it did little to conceal her curvy bottom. I was nervous and a little anxious .. unfamiliar territory for me these days. We ended up chilling in some body's honda civic and listening to the local college stations. "Hey man, you feeling me ?" "Yeah, I'm there." It was honest ... It was REAL ... ... We just started going at it like fucking ANIMALS !!! ... not kissing ... JUST SUCKING ON EACHOTHER'S LIPS, TONGUES, CHEEKS AND CHINS ... my hand trying to grasp her breast through the vest and long sleeved shirt that covered it .. fingers prying into theshirt, popping buttons and reaching into the underwire bra to find a solid breast .. the nipple standing at attention ... hard as a bullet ... her grasping talon of a hand cupping my balls and package though my black jeans .. ripping the zippier down .. seeking to find my throbbing cock !! .. ripping through my under shirt and boxers .. grasping in her jeweled fingers .. and pulling into the moonlight my many veined penis ... Diana violently used her elbow to shove me back on the seat as she began to suck my pulsating member with the glee I've never seen before and have'nt since .. grasping my prick with both of her hands ... sticking her tongue into my urethra with abandon ... It was extremely wet and sticky .. I was reeling with lust and running my fingers through her raven locks finding a ornate hair pin .. Diana stopped abruptly and position herself between the front seats of whoever-the fucks-car that was ... she placed her palms on the dash board as I raised that plaid skirt with a crackhead like frenzy ... Her large panties were adorned with small hearts ... really cute actually .. Instead of pulling the panties down and off ... i pulled them deep into the crack of her juicy pale bottom .. It would have taken too much time to get them off in the small car ... "Come on and stab me with it !!!" I didn't disappoint. .... I parted those perfect cheeks .. using my thumbs to separate he puffy vaginal lips and violently shoved my cock inside ... WE FUCKED ... WE FUCKEN FUCKED !! .. me, aching my back off the back seat .. her , throwing her ass into my pelvis .. THE SMACKING SOUND ALMOST DEAFINING !!! .. then I came ... I GUSHED A LITTER OF HOT DNA DEEP into the CRACK of HER BEAUTIFUL ASS !!! ... soiling all those little fucking hearts and the back her thighs .. my jeans were soiled as well. ... ... Diana quickly turned and gave me a short peck on the cheek ... -she bounded out of the car and back up to the house.- .... I ended up cleaning myself off to the best of my ability with some leaves from a nearby tree. Hell on the penis though .. -I made my way quietly back into the house and back to my clique. .. .... I was introduced to some dude named Steve .. and his girlfriend Diana.

Crack Addict
9:05PM on April 28, 2008


... Ever had a panty job ?

...you know .. kinda like an upgraded dry hump ?

..It's wear you get your partner to drop their pants / dress .. they lay on their stomach on a bed, couch or chair while you grind and rub your cock into the crack of their ass until you get off.

I know a lot of you reading this post are like ... why not just stuff you cock into the offending orifice and be done with it ?
Answer: Because that shit is boring and lacks imagination. Plus a panty job can be steamy and hot leading to intense sexxual encounters later with that partner.

... Done right a panty job can be better thaqn you average run of the mill sex ....

For Instance ...

Back in the fall of 1998, I'd loaned some dough to a female non-friend. Let's just say that "Marsha" was a complete bitch. A short stubby italian girl with a chunky backside and a shock of afro sized matted hair, this freckled faced chick was making any friend with her Rosie O' Donel type attitude ...

so much so, that she had lost her job as a animal groomer and decided to take a sabatical ubntil she found her next job ..... Of course when the money ran out ... she had no one to turn to and appealed to my better nature ...

"Fuck no !!"

" Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssssseeee !!!!" She had begun to tear up at the thought of her pending eviction.

" Hey, in case you hadn't noticed ... We're not cool, we're not friends ... we're not shit to each other and besides .. you're a henious bitch !!"

" I know and I'm sorry about all the times I called you nigga ... I was just playing !! It's only two hundred dollars man ... Come on !!"

"Why me ?"

"You're really a nice guy ... I burnt all my bridges with my real friends ... [sobbing] .. my parents are telling me to sell my ass on the street man !!!"

" Sound's like sound advice to me."

"FUCK YOU NIGGA !!!"

... I just started grinning and walked away ... Marsha was standing in the middle of the street shaking and sobbing. She was right. I was a nice guy ... to nice people .. and I just kept flashing back to the time a cup of beer was tossed into my face when Marsha thought that I had goosed her. It was actually an aquaintance that was into her. We were at this show and he reached through the crowd and grabbed a handfull of her chunky ass. she spent the next four month scalling me everything out of the book.

"PUSSY !!"

...whatever...

"FAG!!"

                             ... I hardly looked back, but I could hear the sobs getting louder.

"PLEASE !!! ... I'll SUCK YOU OFF MAN !!!"

That little offer got to me .. The idea of this racist bitch choking on my penis was amusing and completely evil ... I was a chivarous guy on occasion, but I had no love for this cunt.

"Okay."

"What ?"

"I say okay"

"You'll loan me the money?"

" After ...you know."

Marsha scowled and stalked back off towards her apartment. I just watched her moping off as I silently giggled at her defeat.

She shocked me by looking back and motioning with her arm for me to follow her. I followed to see what would happen next because I never believed she would actually suck a black guy off, much less me of all people. I was kinda nervous as she fumbled for her keys. I didn't want anybody that knew me to see me going into her flat. I'd never hear the end of it, but it would make a good story to tell my other friends.

Inside Marsha's apartment was fucking filthy, discarded pizza boxes and taco bell wrappers littered the grungy carpet along with dvds of Will & Grace ...

... Marsha was a proud Fag Hag...

[Even gay men hated her and had on one occasion pummeled her for an insensitive comment regarding an associates's anal warts.]

"Where do you wanna uhm, do it?" 
                                                  It was an honest question.

"Does it even matter fuckface ?!!" 


                    ... She was pissed in her defeat. She was attempting to kneel and having some difficulty. She finally tripped and fell on her fat bottom with a huff. Ijust stared at her sitting their like a scoop of shit flavored ice cream.

                                                    I honestly didn't know if I could get it up.

"Come over here."

"Uh"

"Come on man ... Don't you want your cock sucked?"

"Til I get off right ?"

"Whatever nigga."

"Til I get off right ?"

I was trying to give Marsha and myself a back door out of an increasingly embarrassing situation ... Nodding her head, she got up on her knees and reached for my zipper. I stopped her.


" Forget about it. This shit is just stupid."

"Don't be a little faggot ... You just scared 'cause you got a little dick."

... She had my zipper down in less than a second and roughly pulling my penis into the streetlight filtering in through the curtains of her bedroom [Marsha also hadn't paid her electric bill.].

Suprisingly enough, my johnson became fully erect the minute her chubby little hand touched it. Marsha shoved her face down on my cock sucking with desparate abandon. Fuck, she really needed that money and she was giving me the first class treatment. Slobbing and spitting while she attempted to jerk me off with both chubby digits.

... Twenty five minutes later [I was checking my watch.] .. I still hadn't come Marsha was starting to get tired, but she was still on the case ....

... fifteen minutes more and it was starting to become aparent that I wasn't gonna cum. Marsha was taking break inbetween weakly licking the head of my penis.

Look .. this aint working .. I gotta go"

"You BASTARD !! .. You knew this was gonna happen .. Did you have a vasectomy or somethin fag?!!"

"Nope ... You can't get me off."

"Hey, you set me up cocksucker!!"

I was reaching into my pocket to give her the cash anyway when Marsha suddenly socked me in the thigh ... I yanked my pants up and started for the door. Marsha's loud waling stopped me in my tracks as I looked back at her.

"Okay man ... Here you go."

Marsha was busy pulling her too tight jeans down over her pasty, plump thighs ... she had numerous multi-colored stars tattooed on her thighs. She was wearing big streched out of wack pink panties .. I couldn't help but notice her prominent camel toe.

"Nah, I'm cool Marsha."


"Pleeeeaaaasssssseeee ... just fuck me then, man. I need that money fuckin bad."

"You dont-"

"Look, you brother's like this don't ya?"

She rolled over on her stomach ... Her undewear was pulled deep into the crack of mer massive ass.




                                      

I noticed two large wierd wicca like tattoos on the outer edged of her butt. Marsha was on her hands and knees now .. her ass pointed out at me ... inviting the most unholiest of unions. 

                           For some reason I had a raging boner and hated myself for it.

"Look at me shake it ... Like those video sluts you niggas like."

She was convincingly shaking that ass. 
                                                       Putting Pinky XXX ['porn star] to shame.

Massive jello jiggling in my face, I methodically knelt and began groping Marsha's big can. Mashing her butt cheeks together and pulling the paties deeper into the crack of her ass.

"Fuck me nigga."

I didn't want to have sex with Marsha because doing so would be a defeat of me on a personal level that even I couldn't fathom, but that ass ...

I placed the length of my turgid penis into the crack of her ass and sandwiched her butt cheeks around it ... It was warm and moist .. I could feel the smal curly hairs aroung my balls electrify. Marsha was still jiggling her ass. She was covered in sweat ..everywhere ... She was bouncing her butt on the length of my penis ...
... and it felt good.

... I pressed my cock deeper, harder into that juicy crack and started rubbing it into the flesh. I peeled her panties midway down that big ass and was shocked to see too cat eyes tattooed on the small of her back.
... fucking wierd ...

We were at it by this time, a good thirty minutes. I pushed her down on her flabby belly while I kicked off my jeans. Other that her grunting, she was silent. I mounted her with my legs spread eagle and started fucking her butt cheeks earnestly and intensely.






                                             

... Her panties had become intangled in my cock and my thrustiing overtures against her constant back humping was creating a terrific friction on my dick and balls ... my penis deep in the crack of her ass and the bottom of her voluminous cheeks massing my testicles.

... I looked over and noticed her black cat [Lucifer] starring at me from the arm of her ratty, bombed out lazy boy ... the cat was moving it's head from side to side in curiosity ... I looked down to see the cat eye tatoos jiggling up and down ..seemingly starring at me ... 

             I CAME !!! 
                                                                                                                     ... paticularly hard too.

... Marsha had semen all over her massive ass and backside..

                       ... some of it was covering the bottom of her black death metal shirt at well ... her panties had a thick web of cum on them as I extricated my still-hard penis from them.

Marsha suddnely shoved me on my ass by mule kicking me. she had her hand in my face in an instant.

"Where's my money asshole ?!!"

Girl had a point ... she had earned her money .. and then some.

I had barely taken the money out of my wallet when she snatched it out of my hand [taking some skin as well.] ..

I was trying to pull my pants up when Marsha just opened the door to her single and started shoving me with her foot towards the door ... I stepped out of her house into the courtyard for all her immigrant neighbors to see.

"FUCKIN LOOSER ASS NIGGA' FAGGOT MUTHAFUCKA" !!!!"

She slammed the door in my grinning face. I blew a kiss to the closed door, bowed to the starring neighbors and sauntered off to my home ...

... a new fetish had taken root .....