Elizabeth Rollins on Porn Retirement
9:43PM on September 22, 2009
I discovered the follwing post online while searching information for a clip on BBW Porn Star Elizabeth Rollins... I like to get accurate information when making one of my signature series "Spotlight On:
Elizabeth Rollins has retired from porn and indicates that after all this time ... "She has nothing to show for it."
I always have mixed feelings whenever I read interviews like the one that follows ...
I mean, am I supposed to feel guilty for loving the "m,ovies" and "pics' that this woman (Real Name reportes as "Jan") made during her tenure in the biz ?
.... Am I supposed to feel guilty for my sexuality , my inherent fetishes ?
I don't have an answer .... perhaps I never will.
Jan, a.k.a Elizabeth Rollings, a BBW porn star recently left the porn
industry and shares the truth in a candid interview with former porn
actress, Shelley Lubben. Please BEWARE this interview does contain adult
information and may not be suitable for minors. Although, statistics show
that the LARGEST group for viewing porn online is ages 12-17.
SL: How did you get into the sex industry?
ER: I was in my first movie because of an ad I answered on craigs list off the
internet. I needed money and it sounded easy to do so I thought, why not? I
knew it was wrong but I needed quick cash and of course it was legal, right? So I
did the movie and never told anyone until months later when I decided to do it full
time.
SL: Tell us about your childhood.
ER: My mom and dad divorced when I was three. My dad was a weekend dad
and my mom took all of the responsibility raising us. We never had much of
anything but my mom always tried to make sure that my older sister and I stayed
in good schools and out of bad neighborhoods. My mom met a man when I was
about 6 or 7 who whisked her off to Europe often and she would leave us with
her side of the family. This went on for the next couple of years until my sister
was about age 14 and I was about 11. We ended up homeless and went to live
with our Godmother who was very spank happy to to say the least.
I was becoming very bitter about my mom and dad not being there even though I
had accepted God in my heart at 7. When I was in 8th grade is when all the
trouble began and I started noticing boys. There were a lot of gangs and gang
fights and because of that I needed protection. I turned to clicks and pot heads
and underage parties and smoking cigarettes and boys. I was only 13 years old.
I was in a world of trouble when I met "Candyman". Candyman was a gangster
and offered me protection and a lot of attention. He took me home to meet his
parents. I trusted him and thought he loved me. He tied me up and raped me.
This was my first sexual experience. When he was done, he told me if I said
anything I would be hurt worse by him and his friends. Gangs began to harass
our family so we moved out of the neighborhood.
In high school I was into getting high and smoking cigarettes and having sex with
my boy friend. Even though I was an A student, we constantly partied and had
sex. At age 17 I ran away from home. My boyfriend and I were living in a friend's
rat infested basement for 200 a month and soon I became pregnant. I attained
my GED and traded in my hopes of becoming a nurse for becoming a mom and
wife. I married my boyfriend and we had three children together.
SL: What led you into the sex industry?
ER: I worked off and on sometime two jobs to make up the lack of my husband's
laziness. He never wanted to work. I got involved in prostituting at 19 and I
worked for a women who had about 50 other girls working for her. I did topless
massage and dominatrix work off and on for two years. I also pursued modeling
because it had always been a passion of mine to be a model even though I am
plus size. My husband knew I was doing sex work and didn't care.
I always loved to act and was involved in school plays growing up. I did a lot of
promotional modeling and some street acting, but having to work a 12 hour shift
as a cna (certified nursing aide) and take care of three kids kind of killed the
dream. My husband and I divorced in 2004 for obvious reasons and my financial
stress grew and grew. I had been to church a couple of times but to me it wasnt
enough. I felt like a horrible mother and provider. I made my first porno after
answering an ad in craigslist. I felt so ashamed and yet sexy at the same time.
Even though the money was good, I had no intention of doing another one.
I ended up doing about 40 movies, 20+ websites, 3 magazines, 3 expos,
countless online interviews and finally my own website. But yet I have nothing to
show for it.
SL: What was the porn industry like?
ER: I was in Las Vegas so I had to drive back and forth to the porn industry in
California four times a week. The money was great and my new boyfriend who
recently lost his job, was loving every minute of it, traveling, seeing me have sex
with other men and with other women. To him we had it made. I started making a
name for myself in the BBW niche. I was in high demand and started loving the
attention. My kids were fed, happy and had what they needed when they needed
it. My boyfriend and I stayed in nice hotels and ate at good resturants. I bought
him things and even helped him out with his own kids.
I got more and more requests for fetish films. After much pressure from porn
producers, I finally caved in and did a 25 guy movie. I never thought I would have
done something like that. I felt disgusted and violated, but what was I going to
do? I was paid well for it and needed the money desperately.
SL: OH MY GOSH. What was it like to make a 25 guy movie?
ER: For two days I had to fast. I drank heavily one day prior before I did the
movie. When I got on the set I felt really sick to my stomach. I wanted to turn
around and run when I walked through the door and saw all the male porn stars
and film crew standing there. I zoned out and wanted it to be over. I kept saying
to myself, "this is going to be over in an hour. You can do it.". I wanted to break
down and cry but I hid behind my fake smile.
During the movie I mentally and emotionally checked out and felt like I died. I
don't remember real well the pain and trauma I went through. After it ended,
everybody wanted to take pictures with me and get my autograph. Here I am
standing there with bodily fluids all over me and people wanted to take pictures
with me. It was horrible. My body was sore the next couple of days and I wasn't
right mentally for two weeks after that. I wasn't able to use to the bathroom right
either. My internal system was totally messed up.
SL: Did you lie to your fans and clients? What lies did you tell them?
ER: Of course I lied to my fans. I led them to believe I lived a fantasy life which
was far from the truth. I fed into their fantasies. I said I wanted sex 24/7 and
made it seem like I absolutely loved what I did and was living this happy life. I
gave them hope and insight into their relationships by telling them what to do, or
if I were with them what I would do to them. I started to feel like an important
nobody, they knew Elizabeth Rollings, but they would never care to know Jan.
SL: Were you exposed to drugs and alcohol?
ER: Yes, the first time was at the 2006 AVN Porn Convention after party. I didnt
do them but saw other porn stars using drugs. I was seriously tempted to but
instead I got drunk and fooled around with a lot of other people in the "sex room"
of the suite. I was still kind of new to the industry but I think after time, I would
have used drugs. I always drank heavily before I did a movie.
SL: In your experience, how many other porn stars or sex workers use
drugs and alcohol?
ER: I would guess around 90%. It becomes an escape route to reality, a
temporary vacation from it all.
SL: What was the worst thing about the sex industry? Or a worst
experience for you?
ER: The feeling that you are not in control of your own life. You have to submit to
others (producers, agents, etc..) no matter HOW important you think you are,
you're not in control. Being called a bitch and being told it was all apart of "acting"
the part. Having men do disgusting things to me and even if it hurt, I had to make
it seem like I was enjoying every minute of it. I hated it.
SL: Where was God while you were in the sex industry?
ER: In my heart and in my subconscious, pulling on my heart strings, painfully
and patiently waiting. Many times God saved me from harm, especially from
sexually transmitted diseases.
SL: Why did you leave the sex industry?
ER: I left because I was on the verge of suicide. I hated who I had become. I
hated looking in the mirror. I hated not having any "real" relationships with people
and most importantly I was desperate for love. There is a website on me for
which I have no part in, the man who owns it will not take it down. I had a
contract with him and put much time and effort into this site, but after 8 months of
mental and emotional abuse, financial threats and much more, I chose to part
ways with him. He made threats to "break" me financially because I wouldn't
bend to his will. I told everyone I could that I wasnt associated with the site
anymore and he was not happy about it. My nerves were shot, I couldn't take it
anymore, I was physically sick and had to go to the ER for a nervous meltdown,
enough was enough. I didn't care about my name anymore. I didn't care about a
temporary financial fix. I wanted to be a good Mother for my children and show
them that life is not about the easy way out of things, but about the road less
traveled. I left for the sake of my sanity and my soul.
SL: Where are you now in rebuilding your life?
ER: I'm struggling with finances and I don't know how my bills are going to be
paid, rent, food, supplies, but I know God is faithful and I'm NOT turning back
again. I'm back in with my church and just started a job at Starbucks, for which
I'm so grateful to God for. I'm honestly on the verge of losing a lot, but have a
peace I haven't felt in years. I know God is with me and has a plan for my life.
**If you would like to help Jan as she rebuilds her life, please click here to
learn how. She is a single mother of three children so she greatly needs
our help with food and rent. Why not get your church involved and adopt
Jan and her kids this new year? Please also visit her myspace to send her
encouraging comments. She really needs our love and support right now.
I want to seriously thank Jan for her courage to share her story. Many
women want to hide and never think about porn again due to the
overwhelming shame and guilt but not Jan. She is allowing God to use her
mess to be a strong message to the world that PORN DESTROYS and only
God is able to utterly save you from whatever you are going through! To
learn more about God's perfect plan for your life please click here. If you
want help out of the sex industry PLEASE email me at
urgent@shelleylubben.com
YOU ARE MADE FOR GREATER THINGS THAN WASTING YOUR LIFE ON
PORN. WHETHER PORN STAR OR PORN ADDICT, PORN WILL DESTROY
YOU. LITTLE BY LITTLE, DAY BY DAY, PORN WILL CHIP AWAY AT YOU
UNTIL YOU ARE TOTALLY SHATTERED.
PLEASE LISTEN TO US. MANY EX PORN ACTORS AND ACTRESSES HAVE
PAID HUGE PRICES AND LOST THEIR LIVES TO PORN. WE LOVE YOU
AND DON'T WANT THE SAME THING TO HAPPEN TO YOU!
Need help? Please visit www.shelleylubben.com to get help for porn
addiction, sex industry abuse and other struggles. We love you!
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