My Blog :: Ten years ago I happen to find myself at one of those uncomfortable psuedo liberal parties in the hills of hollywood where people usaully went to get not-so-quietly drunk, abuse pescription meds and talk about endless unfiltered politics .. i was there but for the good graces of my clique ,, a ragtag group of pirate nixons if i ever saw one .. It was a view into a world I had little use for but could not pull away from .. I had somehow come to take up the "token Black guy" position in this group and the cost of my vicarious entertainment at this party was the endless sermonizing and apologizing for slavery .. the righteous indignation at the audacity of blacks wanting reparations for said slavery .. As usual I just smiled and nodded at these displays of inept buffoonery and social awkwardness that emanted from "not Knowing" .. Hell, I even admit cupability by my very presence ... ...anyway this is rude.com and you're reading this for a juicy sex story ... ... The host of the party "Bill" had unknown to me ...promised to hook one of these arty farty types with a big black guy ... never mind that i was of medium height and build .. my bespectacled demeanor far from the mandingo she was looking for .. Yep, there's a saying in hollywood ... "They either wanna fuck of they wanna FUCK you " ... and this was unknown to me at the time .. my plight as it were. Leslie had starred in a couple of C movie pics, was blond, frighteningly thin and had one of those fucked up page boy, ellen De Generes hair cuts .. Yeah, totally my type .. NOT !! .. I spent the evening alighting from one social group to the next ... most of the guests were talking about local indie music and bands ... a lot were talkin about the latest Wienerdog video [local performanceartist] ...Skat is really not my thing .. really .. Leslie spent her evening spot chasing me from clique to clique ... you just gotta love Los angeles social politics .. go to a party to a party just to hang out withthe friends you came with and if your're lucky .. you snowball into some one else's group of friends... .. I always tried to tell myself that this wasn't me .. that I was so much better than the social climbers around me ... I was wrong .. .. so, i guess I gotta get to the fuckin part ... Leslie was becoming increasingly fustrated to the point of heated distraction and had decided to lay it all on the line most bluntly ... "What's a girl gotta do to get a little cock out of ya ?!!' -what a lady- I was unwilling to answer, perhaps due to the initial shock factor or perhaps that my answer would have elevated the threat level to red ... "Do you want some whit pussy or not bra ?" "Uhm-I guess not." .. At this point Leslie "accidentally spilt her drink on my windbreaker and stormed off .. I was relieved and very, very ..wet. I fought my way through the crowd only to find the restroom full of people having that "Scarface moment" with a pile of coke ... .. Recreational drugs are only recreational if you can take the shit and avoid fucking with the clean people in the room ... People usually take that shit and start getting pissed at the square which was usually me ... anyway, i found my way to Bill's personal restroom which was off limits to everybody but Bill .. fuck'em .. He had placed me in the fire with that dried up twat any way ... I would quietly enjoy using his meticulously monogramed towels and gleefully pissing all over his oak toilet seat [Bill actually sat down to piss, because he didn't want to damage the material.] .. .. Those towelswere fucking sweet and repressed twit that he is ... Bill even had fiber optics running through the towel rack that heated the material ... ... after cleaning my windbreaker to the best of my ability, I turned to find a woman seated on the toilet quietly pissing and nonchalantly starring at me .... I'd seen her in clique number seven that some of my people actually knew, but i hadn't caught her name .. "Hey .. How's it goin ?" "Were you sitting there the whole time?" "Yup." "Not saying anything .. cool with it ?" "Yeah, so .. I'm not having a cow or nothin' ... 'sides, I saw that old chick dump her drink on you .. totally fucked up." "Excuse me, but you are using the bathroom aren't you?" ....she flushed ... "I was." .. I was still reeling from the fact that she was sitting there and then she stood up pulling her flowered granny panties up over suprisingly voluptuous thighs. She smiled and said her name was Diana. She was wearing what looked to be a catholic school girl's uniform, knee high socks and all .. ... She looked like a white girl, but her voice branded her something else entirely .. kinda sounded a little street .. not in the forced show "bizzness" way you usually find at these parties. . "Aren't you gonna use the john dude ?" I didn't answer. "Oh- Okay." She turned her back to me. "You might wanna step out side Leslie." "Fuck no .. I was here first. Besides, what do you think i'm gonna do anyway?" "Its just that ... uh, screw it." I took that nagging piss. Forgot to piss on Bill's seat though. Leslie explained that she had been squatting in the bathroom to get away from a paticularly annoying roommate who was trying to get into her pants. I told her my story. We talked and talked ... just about everything. Leslie was from south LA and was actually half russian and half latina. She always downplayed her mixed heritage because people made a big deal out of it and constantly questioned her ... ... I told her I was all nigger ... She laughed ... I was relieved .. Usually people got upset when I said the N word in un-african american company. It's okay to think it, but you just cant say it ... " Wanna kick it ?" "Huh?" Leslie blinked her heavily shaded eyes and tapped me on the shoulder. "You wanna go with me and vibe .. Just like .. Hang in a car and talk shit." I nodded and followed Leslie out into the party. she had tied a sweater around her waist, but it did little to conceal her curvy bottom. I was nervous and a little anxious .. unfamiliar territory for me these days. We ended up chilling in some body's honda civic and listening to the local college stations. "Hey man, you feeling me ?" "Yeah, I'm there." It was honest ... It was REAL ... ... We just started going at it like fucking ANIMALS !!! ... not kissing ... JUST SUCKING ON EACHOTHER'S LIPS, TONGUES, CHEEKS AND CHINS ... my hand trying to grasp her breast through the vest and long sleeved shirt that covered it .. fingers prying into theshirt, popping buttons and reaching into the underwire bra to find a solid breast .. the nipple standing at attention ... hard as a bullet ... her grasping talon of a hand cupping my balls and package though my black jeans .. ripping the zippier down .. seeking to find my throbbing cock !! .. ripping through my under shirt and boxers .. grasping in her jeweled fingers .. and pulling into the moonlight my many veined penis ... Diana violently used her elbow to shove me back on the seat as she began to suck my pulsating member with the glee I've never seen before and have'nt since .. grasping my prick with both of her hands ... sticking her tongue into my urethra with abandon ... It was extremely wet and sticky .. I was reeling with lust and running my fingers through her raven locks finding a ornate hair pin .. Diana stopped abruptly and position herself between the front seats of whoever-the fucks-car that was ... she placed her palms on the dash board as I raised that plaid skirt with a crackhead like frenzy ... Her large panties were adorned with small hearts ... really cute actually .. Instead of pulling the panties down and off ... i pulled them deep into the crack of her juicy pale bottom .. It would have taken too much time to get them off in the small car ... "Come on and stab me with it !!!" I didn't disappoint. .... I parted those perfect cheeks .. using my thumbs to separate he puffy vaginal lips and violently shoved my cock inside ... WE FUCKED ... WE FUCKEN FUCKED !! .. me, aching my back off the back seat .. her , throwing her ass into my pelvis .. THE SMACKING SOUND ALMOST DEAFINING !!! .. then I came ... I GUSHED A LITTER OF HOT DNA DEEP into the CRACK of HER BEAUTIFUL ASS !!! ... soiling all those little fucking hearts and the back her thighs .. my jeans were soiled as well. ... ... Diana quickly turned and gave me a short peck on the cheek ... -she bounded out of the car and back up to the house.- .... I ended up cleaning myself off to the best of my ability with some leaves from a nearby tree. Hell on the penis though .. -I made my way quietly back into the house and back to my clique. .. .... I was introduced to some dude named Steve .. and his girlfriend Diana.

Greetings From Mondotoken
9:26AM on December 01, 2010

DA BIG ASS BOOTY SHOW

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Only the BEST of BREASTS
(FEAT. Devynn Devine)

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Id like to get more feedback on what you think of my online show, is there anything I could be doing better? more installments are coming soon!!

If you have ant questions for me feel free to post them in my comments section.
(Thinking about doing a Q&A)

BBW Chronicles prt 1
7:56PM on November 14, 2009



After my Blue period, Id decided that I was never going to be that Hard Up for whatever again. I began trolling the net, in particular dating sites.

Why, you might ask

.. I just didnt wanna settle anymore. I thought about all the times in the past that Id been fixed up, picked or just a victim of circumstances with women that were to say the least .. Toe Up from the Flo Up In particular I thought about my recent fixation on Johanna .. She was a fucking stick figure for Christs sake.

Rail muthafuckin thin No tits, no ass to speak of .. Big gumball type head and all.

What did I see in her anyway?

Who cared about her gentle nature and soft liquid eyes .. Eyes that were big, round and expressive Hidden behind large librarian glasses with slightly tinted frames .. Eyes that just kinda drew you in took you to a warm, safe place. Hazel in color with long expressive lashes.

and those lips Big, juicy plump adorning her oval face.

She stared out at all the world with the expression akin to a sad puppy dog.

but the wheels were turning behind those big expressive eyes. They always had been. Id dealt myself out of the game Toxic as it had become .. And I occasionally looked back in self loathing and disdain.

I silently admitted to myself that I was experiencing Sour Grapes

.. I was a Hater.

                                    and I was cool with it.

I would allow myself that small bit of humanity. Admitting that singular weakness would always keep me strong.

Id been trolling the web in search of my kind of woman .. A Big, Voluptuous, Curvy Vixen easy on the eyes

with a hint of a wild side.

Somebody looking for a good time. A woman that understood that some of the best times, could be found in the slightest of moments.

Yes, this time I would be as picky externally as I was psychologically inside. As I sat typing, I trolled down memory lane all the times Id shrugged my shoulders and banged some sub-standard version of my feminine ideal.

There was May a co-worker two jobs prior.

Shed chased me all over the office from the moment Id arrived. All I saw for the first two weeks when I moved in were her BIG, YELLOW TEETH grinning at me incessantly.

May was a BBW Big Beautiful Woman and you might be asking What was wrong with her since thats what youre about ?

Well quite simply speaking May was a fuckin disappointment of a BBW in the very literal since.

She was a beautiful African American woman, her features reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat with its perpetual snaky smile her sandy brown hair braided in neat corn rows reminding movie buff me of Queen Latifah in that movie

what was it ?

.. Oh yeah, Set It Off yeah thats what Im going for in this description.

May was into me and wasnt shy about letting it be known around the office. It took another three weeks and a do nothing Saturday night before I relented and had her over to my flat for a movie night.

Halfway into Sleepy Hollow, she played her hand quite literally when she shoved my zipper down and began vigorously jerking me off. Her enthusiasm inspired me and in short order we were spooning and conducting a treaty on heavy petting in my living room.

This was where my extreme disappointment with May began

I dug my eager fingers into the layers of her outer vestments a light blue cotton hoodie, a slight blue flannel shirt, an off white cotton tank top and finally, oh so finally into her sports bra to find a small barely there set of saggy tits ?!!

FUCK ME !! I kinda pulled my hand out of the sweaty recesses of her multiple shirts and leaned back on the couch while she continued working her jeweled fingers on my suddenly receding cock.

I played it off with a few phony complimentary moans, or at least I thought I did She seemed to notice almost immediately that I was (Unknown to her) happily going soft I intended to give her some bullshit about us being better as friends to explain away my flaccid member and thus escape a potential sexual encounter.

She was unknowing way ahead of my intended out as May suddenly shoved her mouth down on my cock.

In a few unfortunate moments I was afflicted with a raging boner and knew that Id have to put out Shit ! The broad had fucking serious head skills !!

.. I knew what banging May would mean There would be this awkward moment after we completed the deed that would be mind numbingly anticlimactic and both of us would work diligently for things to say to one another ..

.. I always had this stupid fantasy were I would bang the spit out of some extremely hot chick and immediately afterward, flip a nearby switch on some lamp or art fixture in the room a secret door with a pole inside would open and off Id be Batman Style leaving the awkward moment and chick with her literal ass in the air

Yeah, its nerdy and stupid , but I know Im not alone in wanting to excise the idiotic moral ritual of talking after recreational sex besides that when you usually find out what a douche either you or her are

I decided to throw my lot in with May and loose myself in the moment Besides, I am a serious Ass Man anyway. I reached over and began tugging away on her jeans. She grinned up at me with that fucking Cheshire cat smile of hers and stood up to take her pants off She turned her back to me as she half struggled to yank the skin tight jeans down. Her hoodie covered her butt and I gave her a playful smack on the ass.

there was no ass  
                                          ... May didnt have an ass Big or other wise

In fact the shit felt like it was fucking inverted How in the fuck could a BBW as cute as May have no tits and no fucking ass ?!!

She shrugged off the rest of clothing in my cramped little living room and stood smiling before me with her hands demurely over her delicate bits

I felt like laughing really ..

Felt like emitting a fucking belly laugh at the tan lined glory of May Denise Jeffries standing in my goddamn living room naked ..

a carpenters dream flat as a board and needs a screw

She kicked the matted, flowery granny panties off and took two steps towards me as I hit the switch on a nearby lamp like a panic button.

I doggie styled her on my poor couch recalling every decent lay Id ever had .. And even that didnt help .. In the end a combination of her eager hands and my imagination helped me cross the finish line

It took two more hours to get her out of my place during which I treated to a rambling monologue regarding her ex-husband, her problems with certain office workers and shown every picture of her three kids that she currently had in her massive handbag.

I felt like saying

Please spare me the crap !! Get the fuck on lady You won. You tricked me with your multiple layers of clothing, your sneaky smiles that hold the promise of absolutely nothing and last but not least .. The obligatory self obsessed conversation .. I dont care .. Do you need a bus token ?

Sounds mean dont it ?

Well, consider that I wasnt into her when I arrived a my place of employment seeking only a paycheck and nothing more. Yet through Machiavellian effort and perseverance on her part I actually put out.

She just didnt live up to the Hype of her own ceaseless self promotion. I unfortunately came [pun intended], saw and was miserably unimpressed.

CrackAddict prt 3
10:32PM on May 23, 2008

It had been a while since my "corporate" episode .. If you read the last installment, you know that I'm refering to the luscious cheeks of Ms. Stetson. She eventually got tired of me jacking off using her massive cheeks and had nixed the affair and my firm's account.


As a result, I found myself "laid off" and working at a temp firm. That "Itch" had gotten worse than ever and I was in danger of becoming a serial masterbater.  I found that I was worse off than before ... Scott, my friend at the temp firm and a fellow chubby chaser [although not afflicted with "crack addiction like me] had advised me on several occasions to use the services of a prostitute. But, I just couldn't get over the stigma that comes with being a "john".

So, I just lumped it and tried my best to keep it under control. 
     
                                   ... I eventually did go online and contact a hooker, but the results were a little less than stellar. I had the misfortune to pick the fattest, ugliest broad you could find on the net with abosolutely zero ass. I had to threaten to call the cops just to get her out of my place.

This should have cured me ... but the next night images of Marsha and Ms. Stetson's massive butts danced in my head and played havok in my boxers ... 

                                                                            ... One day while Scott and I were sitting at an outside cafe eyeballing chubby chicks .....

"Maybe you should try a club."
"Club ?"
"A size acceptance club for big women."
"What ?"
" Doofus, it's a place where fat chicks hang out and party. Lots of horny chicks there."
"I'm not into fat chicks ... I'm into phat chicks."
"Same difference."
"No ... Phat Chicks are thick and voluptuous, ripe massive deep butts  ... Fat chicks are just fat."
"Whatever ... I'm going on friday. you can tag along if you want."

I was disturbed that he just dismissed my assertion regarding my proclivity, but none the less ... I found myself tagging along like a puppy dog.

We drove over to Long Beach and parked in the parking lot of a huge strip mall.

"Where's the club ?"
"Just across the parking lot on the other side of the mall."
"Too cheep for valet parking ?"
"Man, shut up ... you never park in front of a fat chick club. Some body might see you coming out."

"Do you tell the chicks you pick up about this philosophy ?"
"Of course not. Are we gonna run out mouths all night or are we gonna go get you laid buddy ?"

"No, I'm just curious as to how you get the women to walk all the way over here."
"When a BBW wants to get laid, she go any where ... Once I got laid in a dumpster."
"That's special."

 ... The club which I can't name for legal reason's was unassumingly inside a storefront pub. Looked like any old bar from the outside but once we got inside .... 

                      .... Wall to wall BIG WOMEN ... and when i say big, I mean BIG ... as in most of the women were sporting the shapes of a beach balls, and other gometric shapes I don't care to mention at this time. All of the decent and half way decent women had swarms of men around them in unyielding phalanxes  ... Scott was living it up dancing badly to some 50 cent rap song ... "In da Club" .. [that song needs to be laid to rest with a shotgun] ... I navigated the floor and went to the bar.

                .....I had begun to down a record number of mojitos when fate struck ...

"Fucked up huh?"
                                 I looked over to find an unassuming school teacher type staring me in the face. She looked like a petite redhead housewife in a plain white blouse and long black skirt.

"Excuse me ?"
" I was just saying that it's a shame how people put themselves out there when they're desperate."
"You're here."
"With friends ... and I'd like to point out that you're here too."
"With friends too."
 
        We both laughed. Her name was Debra and her story was that she was coming off a bad relationship and some of her friends had drug her to the club [Her friends were all rather large]. She was in fact a therapist and the thought did cross my mind to bear my soul to her regarding my proclivity. However I still wanted to get laid and I didn't know how she would take the fact that I was at the club to exploit overweight women.

"You got something on your mind?"
"Maybe."
"Wanna share ?"
"No because you're a therapist and I don't want to be analyzed ... at least not yet."
"Don't worry ... I'm off the clock."

I gave her some bullshit about breaking up with a girlfriend.

"Does making up stories make you feel better about having a big girl fetish?"
"I'm not -..."
"You wouldn't be here if you didn't have a BBW fetish."

 I was red faced.

"I'm here with a friend." I pointed to Scott out on the dance floor dirty dancing with three women so large he was partially obscured from my sight.

"Riiiight."
"No, really."

She just stared at me with a "get real" expression written across her features.

"Excuse me."

I found my way to the men's room for a quick retreat from the truth ... What was i becoming ? Maybe i was a degenerate who needed help.

"Sorry ... I tend to unnerve people unintentionally." 

Debra had followed me into the men's restroom. It was a bold move on her part. I was impressed ... one other occupant a rail thin guy that I coulda' swore was DJ Qualls ran out with his pecker hanging from his pants.

"I'm sorry ... I should've known that you'd see through the bull given your profession."
"Well I got five minutes." She kicked open a stall door and stepped inside crooking her finger at me . I obliged.

" I have a crack fetish."

"You're a drug addict ?"

"No ... far from it."

I explained my predicament to Debra in no uncertain terms and with extreme clarity.

"So there you have it ... I'm a perv right ?"
"Yup."

Before I could voice a rebuttal she had grabbed my crotch and was massaging it vigorously. I was flabbergasted  ...  and aroused as all get out. She began jerking my cock through my slacks with a frevor I had seldom seen before from other women i'd banged.

"I'm so fucking hot right now !!!"

I began massaging her breasts which were considerably larger than I'd expected. She ripped a few of her buttons exposing the tan freckled flesh spilling over from her bra. I helped her rip one of her double d's from the lacy material.  She had pulled my throbbing member into the neon light of the restroom and was alternately sucking on my member and beating it against her boob in a frenzy.

She ripped the other breast free from her blouse exposing a perfect tanned set of knockers ... at least 36DD.

"Fuck my tits !!"

I obliged and began fucking the shit out of her juicy and suprisingly sweaty knockers.

"Imagine that it's a big juicy ass you fuckin perv !!!"

My head was swimming in animal lust.

"Fuck it !!! .. Come get it "

Debra stood up in the cramped stall and turned her back to hiking up her skirt at the same time.

"You want it ... come take it !!"



She had a suprising meaty and wide ass. Her stark white cheeks enflamed me as I pushed my cock into the crevice of her ass and pussy lips ... I openly drooled as I deep tissued fucked Debra's pussy lips and ass cheeks simultaneously.



"I want you to come on my wide ass !!"

That was all it took as i sprayed the small of her lower back with at least a liiter of hot cum. The thick liquid was running down her cheeks and dripping to the floor.

"That was good."

She cleaned up and bid me meet her at the bar like nothing happened.  I did AS SHE SAID AND FOUND MYSELF ALONE AT THE BAR.
     

                 Crack Addict still.... 
                                                ... i knew i would have to find a way to end this obsession of mine.