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Volltage
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Rude Contests > i want vip tooo!!!
- Submitted: Nov 09, 2010 05:14 AM
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Original Post by naughtynina38EE
i want vip tooo!!!
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Private
Private - Submitted: Nov 09, 2010 05:10 AM
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Private
Private - Submitted: Nov 09, 2010 05:03 AM
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General > CONFESSIONS OF A PORN CLERK
- Submitted: Oct 27, 2010 08:33 AM
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CONFESSIONS OF A PORN CLERK: CHAPTER THREE
WORDS BY SATSUJIN
I have issues. I think customer service is slowly making me crazy. Being the boss magnifies this attribute ten fold. Negotiating is not one of my favorite past times and yet somehow I have managed to make a career out of it.
Im in the office working on general management humdrum. Im leaving early for a doctors appointment so in order to play catch-up Ive got paperwork and projects up the asshole. They need to be completed by today. To save time for my associates working on the floor, Ive confiscated the phones so that I can handle all of the calls coming in. Draw the curtains and cue todays AssHat on line 1:
Thank you for calling _____ ______ _____. This is [Satsujin] speaking. How may I help you?
Mhm. Well, I was just in there today. I need your corporate number and the name of the lady that helped me.
Alright, maam. Im the store manager. Is there anything that I can do to help you?
No. You couldnt because you wouldnt when I was there. I want your name and the corporate number.
Uhm I have a female associate on the floor, who is not me, so if there is a problem that you need assistance with in regards to my store or her customer service, Im the person you need to talk to because I obviously didnt help you when you were here. Now, what happened?
Mistake #1: Assuming that there is only one female associate working the joint (really?) and assuming that one female who did help you was me.
Mistake #2: Dont be a fucking cunt right off the bat when you want a fucking favor and then expect me to be nice about it.
Well, I am very upset because I purchased a toy yesterday. I know that you have a policy of not returning toys but this is just ridiculous. Its a (excuse my language) vibrator and it wasnt tested when I bought it. The man who helped me was _____.
Uh huh.
Its ridiculous! I just bought it yesterday. Theres a gauge in the jelly and the associate didnt test it.
Mistake #3: Blaming associates for not doing their job.
Uh huh. What time did you buy this? If you still have your receipt there should be a time stamp at the bottom, probably military time. That will tell you. Ill just go ahead and look it up on the cameras and confirm if thats true or not. [insert smiley face.]
It says 01:44. That sounds about right.
Okay. Im going to look this up on my surveillance system and then give you a call back. Give me five.
I have an issue with customers that lie, construe the truth, whine, bitch, piss and moan and blame hardworking employees when they are still not getting their way. This male employee of mine has worked for me for five years. FIVE YEARS. This means that he not only practices the policies blind-folded with his hands tied behind back as he miraculously jacks off and eats lunch simultaneously this means that I am going to trust his ass over yours and when he tells me that he tested the toy, god damnit HE TESTED THE FUCKING TOY.
But for good measure I look anyway. Im not surprised to see that not only did he test the toy but he held the product out to be examined. She and her partner were too busy paying attention to each other and literally nodded to my associate as he is testing it.
Really? REALLY?!
I take the high road anyway.
Hello, _____?
Mhm.
This is [Satsujin] from _____ ______ _____
Mhm.
I can already tell this is going to be rich.
I am going to honor an exchange in that you understand this is a conditional arrangement. That meaning, 1) I am stepping out my box and breaking policy in order to ensure that you as the customer are happy. 2) I want you to understand that in viewing the security surveillance, the associate who helped you fulfilled the transaction and adhered to policy by testing the toy and actually held the item out to your partner who approved its condition.
I will allow an exchange for the same toy and I will test the item myself to make sure that it functions properly. [Lots of jokes here. Go ahead. Take them while you can.]
You know what? No. Im sorry for the inconvenience but I am not going to accept your offer. I appreciate all of your help but I dont agree with you.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE TO NOT AGREE ABOUT, WOMAN? YOU BOUGHT A TOY. YOU TRIED TO BRING IT BACK. I BROKE THE RULES TO ALLOW YOU AND NOW YOU DONT WANT TO FUCKING DO IT?!?!?!
AAAAAAAAAH!
I fucking hate people.
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General > CONFESSIONS OF A PORN CLERK
CONFESSIONS OF A PORN CLERK - Submitted: Oct 27, 2010 08:31 AM
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CONFESSIONS OF A PORN CLERK:
CHAPTER ONE
WORDS BY SATSUJIN
Confessions of a Porn Clerk
Chapter 1
Some day/in some month/circa 2006
This is my ode to a large group of people populating the world. I am thankful to say that I do not surround myself with this bunch, of my own free will. I have no such thing as a pity friend. The friends I do have I value greatly and while I do not always keep close contact and return phone calls, those dear people understand their place in my heart. Not a damned one of them is a manipulative crybaby.
As a porn clerk, Im bound to a code of ethics. Most of these little porn rules are considered socially universal, though they are not written or found in The Porn Clerks Manual to Handling Cockmonkeys.
We do not shout your late fee for the transsexual porn that you rented and kept for two weeks, across the store.
We do not find you in the public library and ask out loud, How was Assault That Ass 3?
We do not snitch out your multiple visits and greet you by your first name when you bring your girlfriend to the store for the first time.
We do not test your sex toy for the purpose of waving it overhead and shouting Yes, maam. This here is a good one. Yu-huck.
We are a quiet, jaded, and often underestimated lot that enjoys laughing at you on the inside, just as much as pointing a finger at your retreating back on the outside. With that in mind, while I would enjoy publicly humiliating two manipulative crybabies that I loathe with a passion, due to my Porn Clerk Silent Code of Ethics, I will not. Though I cant say that I wont shout their late fee across the store to make myself feel better and quietly feign a blush and a mock apology to cover my antics. Oops.
The manipulative crybabies in question well call them Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber. Or to make matters easier, well call them John and Robert. John is a fat-lipped faggot who likely has more hair around his asshole than his scalp. His eyes bulge. I bet the birth date on his drivers license places him somewhere in the sixties. Hes not fat, not tall, not short, and not skinny. He is White and average-looking, aside from the fact that his face reminds me of Mr. Bighead from the cartoon Roccos Modern Life.
Hes charming when he wants to be, but Im sure that talent only rears its head when theres enough testosterone around to outdo Anna Nicole Smith. These are all attributes that Im willing to forego, as Im not vain enough to omit someone being a valuable customer based on the sheer fact that theyre ugly. Well get back into why this guy sucks in a second. I still have to introduce his butt-buddy.
Meet Robert. The kid is half the other clowns age, easily. I probably have more hair on my face than him (and I dont have facial hair people. Give me some fucking credit here). His eyes are close set and hes got a sweet smile. Hes tall and kind of skinny. Perhaps if he hadnt been sucked into the Black Hole of an ass that John was, he may have turned out okay in the next ten years with the right guidance, of course (prison might help).
Fuckface John has this kid on a leash. I dont know what the situation is sexually, financially, or socially and I really dont give a shit to tell you the truth. But its pretty obvious that the older guy has the leash in his hand and the collar is secured on Roberts throat. Robert mopes around like a puppy waiting for John to piss so that he can roll in it and look in his masters eyes adoringly. Half the time, I expect to hear him say, Whatever you say, oh great leader of cock-worship! Still, their behavior with each other doesnt bother me. Its the way they act with me that pisses me off.
Id like to say that I know the people I work with relatively well. Were a tight-knit group that picks up on each others ticks. Ive worked with these people for years. I have a rapport and an understanding with them. Some fuckface ass-hat thinks he can whine about me to my co-worker on matters unrelated to work and it wont get back to me? Oh no, no, no! They are sadly mistaken.
Ive tethered you people enough. Allow me to cut the roast for you, and serve exactly what this fucking dish is about. An ex-coworker (well call her Misty) used to give these guys free rentals until they started getting weird on her. And by weird, I mean calling the store asking for her. Making comments about seeing her parade around in some of the costumes (which really arent much more than scraps of fabric). Since Misty was a relatively good friend of mine, its no wonder I would be protective and decide to handle them from there on out. So I charged them for their movie rentals.
Oh my God!! The world ended!! How dare I make them pay FOUR DOLLARS PER RENTAL? These jackasses were so pissed that I charged them; they called the store asking for Misty to complain. She isnt a supervisor, I am. And even if she was, do you think complaining about paying for something you took for granted would really do you any good? LMAO @ you fucktards.
But it gets better. Their secret loathing for me spawned into other avenues. Theyve complained to other employees. Not three days ago, I watched them return rentals late. They racked an $8 late charge on their account. I watched my fellow co-worker (well call him Bob) check them in and keep the late fee on the computer. So they come in to rent the following day and lied to my face with, We were here at least before midnight. I mean, we raced to get here (Clue: I put away rentals after midnight, just to trap assholes like you). And when theyre not happy with my reply (I watched you turn them in; theyre late), John storms off to my co-worker Bob to complain.
I would be fine with complaining if you were just a cheap bastard. Regularly dealing with cheap bastards has thickened my skin to where I dont have to write a fucking rant every god damned day to maintain my sanity. Its the fact that you took personal shots at me because you didnt get your fucking way. And like a manipulative crybaby, started leg-humping my other employees to not only try and scam free rentals out of them, but use the opportunity to talk shit about me
Ugh. She must have dyed her hair again to think that charging us was OK.l
Oh. My. God. Shes sick. I dont want her helping us
Ugh. She doesnt even look female anymore.
(That last barb was the cake-topper, by the way)
All this from a guy who looks like his mother started him off with daily collagen injections to the mouth rather than breast milk.
The moral of the story folks: Manipulative Crybabies dont always get their way. If anything, they get bigger late fees and an occasional Oh, Im sorry. It looks likes your account has been suspended. Youll need to refill out an application. Stop your whining. Stop taking the clerks for granted. And when you dont get your way, take it in the ass like you normally do and shut the fuck up.
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General > the Russ Meyer girls tribute thread.
the Russ Meyer girls tribute thread. - Submitted: Oct 17, 2010 01:43 AM
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Viral Clips & Pics > topic.content
topic.content - Submitted: Oct 04, 2010 08:16 PM
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General > Word Association Thread
- Submitted: Jul 09, 2010 11:16 PM
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Volltage
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My QC Stats
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Volltage
I'M A VIP
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Rank: Junior
My QC Stats
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Volltage
I'M A VIP
Posts: 281
Rank: Junior
My QC Stats
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Volltage
I'M A VIP
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General > When is the right time...
- Submitted: Mar 02, 2010 06:13 AM
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General > Word Association Thread
- Submitted: Feb 15, 2010 03:57 PM
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Rude Contests > Vip upgrade
- Submitted: Feb 01, 2010 06:44 AM
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Original Post by craziguy27
Looking for a vip upgrade. Would like to spend more time on here to post and rate more vids and pics.
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cool, it is a very straight forward process, all you have to do is edit your profile page, submit/upload original pics and vids. create a greeting video....and most of all have fun with the process. good luck.
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General > Sub-genres Pornography
Sub-genres Pornography - Submitted: Feb 01, 2010 06:34 AM
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Reality
Reality pornography refers to real or faked 'amateur' encounters. This category also includes pornographic home movies. Related genres include:
Amateur pornography was originally produced by amateurs. There is now also professionally made pornography designed to appear as if it were amateur.
Celebrity sex tapes are amateur or professionally-made recordings of sex acts, as performed by a celebrity and their partner(s). These typically are leaked to the public via the Internet, without the celebrity's consent. A celebrity may allow such a recording to surface willingly, as part of a publicity stunt.
Exhibitionist pornography features performers, usually female exposing themselves in public and spans simple flashing to public sex. The Girls Gone Wild series is one example.
Gonzo pornography involves a first-person cameraman/performer perspective.
Upskirt and Downblouse pornography features staged filming up women's skirts or down their blouses while in public. Actual upskirt or downblouse shots may violate privacy laws in some countries.
Hidden Camera pornography involves shots that appear to spy or peep on a woman who is unaware she is being viewed or filmed while dressing or showering. Actual spying may violate privacy and/or trespassing laws in many countries. Voyeur pornography is usually more staged with the subjects aware of the cameras, sometimes openly including this exhibitionist awareness.
Age
Mature pornography features performers who are in their 40s and 50s and in some cases over 60.
MILF pornography, which stands for Mother I'd Like to Fuck, features older women in fantasy scenarios with younger men.
GMILF pornography in which is in similar circumstances to "milf" pornography. In this instance it involves senior aged women in pornographic fantasy scenarios with younger more agile men. An example of this is used in a quote from the first episode of "Metalocalypse".
Teen pornography, also known as barely legal pornography depicts performers from legal age to early 20s and emphasizes themes such as youth, inexperience, innocence, or curiosity. Teen pornography often caters to ephebophiles. There is considerable overlap between teen pornography and Lolita pornography and some overlap with tiny tits pornography.
Body features
Big Beautiful Women (BBW) pornography features overweight or obese women.
Big-breast pornography, also called ginormous tits, big-boob or big-bust pornography features women with large breasts. Some viewers prefer performers with breast implants, others prefer women who have naturally large breasts.
Big cock porn featuring men with large penises.
Big butt pornography features women with large buttocks. This genre eroticizes the buttocks and anus, and often overlaps with anal pornography.
Hairy pornography involves conspicuous amounts of body and/or pubic hair. The models may be partially shaven, show body hair stubble or be completely unshaven, with an emphasis on the socially tabooed armpit hair. The latter are sometimes marketed as "Hippies" and can be connected with Naturism. Because of the increased trend toward total depilation in contemporary pornography, the presence of any pubic hair at all on a model, even when groomed, is sometimes considered as making the model "hairy".
Hair fetishism, for example models with red, blond, or brunette hair. Additionally, hip-length hair, butt-length hair, thigh-length hair, knee-length hair or floor-length hair, may carry out hair jobs, toss their hair back and forth, perform with wet hair, etc.
Leg and feet pornography has an extreme emphasis on women's legs and feet.
Disease Ridden Pornography in which involves women that are said to have 'disease ridden' body parts. Lepars are a main focus in this style of pornography.
Tiny tits pornography features women with very small breasts. These women are often portrayed as teenagers. There is some overlap between tiny tits pornography, teen pornography, and Lolita pornography.
Albino porn centers on albino models for their complete lack of skin pigment which can be considered erotic.
Race
Main article: Race-oriented pornography
Race-oriented pornography does not always feature performers who are actually of the race listed in the title. Performers are sometimes billed as being of a certain race, if their facial features, body shape, or skin color fit a publicly accepted idea of what people of that race look like. Some performers are billed as being of one race, and then of another, depending on the film.
Asian pornography features performers who are (or appear to be) Asian / the Far East.
Ebony or black pornography features performers who are (or appear to be) black. They can be sub-divided into African pornography, African-American pornography or Caribbean pornography for performers who are (or appear to be) from the Caribbean islands.[citation needed]
European pornography involving performers who are (or appear to be) European with blond features from Western Europe or more commonly Eastern Europe.
Indian/Desi pornography features performers who are (or appear to be) Indian.[verification needed]
Interracial pornography usually features sex between people of different racial backgrounds, but is more associated with pairing black and white actors and actresses or Latino/Latina and white actors and actresses.
Latina/Latin pornography features performers who are (or appear to be) from Latin America or Latin Europe. Most are of Spanish, Portuguese, Native American or Mestiza descent.[verification needed]
Middle Eastern pornography features performers who are (or appear to be) from the Middle East. There is certainly an overlap with Arab pornography involving performers who are (or appear to be) Arabs from the Middle East or North Africa, and with Indian pornography.
Subculture
Alt porn features performers with tattoos, piercings, unusually coloured hair, or who have a goth, punk rock, skinhead, raver, rockabilly/greaser, crusty or stoner appearance. Many involved are members of the punk, goth, skinhead, rave and even Kustom Kulture. Good examples of this are films directed by Bruce LaBruce, who is a punk himself and his work could also be seen as avant-garde cinema.
Art porn or artistic porn features erotic art dedicated to specific pornstars. One of the first art porn groups is the Pornsaints collective, founded by the Italian artist Francesco D'Isa. Like alt porn, it can be indebted to avant-garde cinema
Computer-generated, interactive, and animated
Cartoon pornography depicts illustrated or animated fictional characters in erotic or sexual situations.
Hentai is a catch-all term for various forms of Japanese pornography, including H-manga, H-anime and H-computer games. The term hentai is never used in this context in Japanese. The meaning of hentai is "perversion", "abnormality", or "metamorphosis". Yaoi is anime or manga that features gay males (although not necessarily pornographic). Yuri is the lesbian equivalent.
Interactive pornography, available in CD-ROM and DVD format, allows the viewer to select the particular acts performed at any one time, sometimes with the camera providing a first person view.
Poser Porn[citation needed] is pornography made using 3D computer graphics, usually with the 3D art program Poser, made to represent people in various sexual acts.
Miscellaneous
Classics are pornographic films from the 1970s and sometimes 1980s.
Compilations are a collection of short pornographic scenes, usually themed to a particular fetish such as anal or cum-shots, taken from otherwise unrelated films. (For copyright reasons, compilations are often limited to clips from films published by a single company.)
Full-feature pornographic films are typically about two hours long, and usually have a plot.
Parody Porn is a sub-genre that parodies the title to mainstream film or television show using sexual puns.
Independent pornography is pornography produced by filmmakers unconnected to the major porn studios in a given country. It is often mislabled "amateur pornography", though the producers and actors are often professional pornographic filmmakers and actors. (It is not always easy to distinguish between genuine amateurs and unknown professionals: often, the distinction is a matter of timing.)
Japanese adult video or JAV is pornography produced in Japan for domestic consumption, though it has a large international audience as well. JAV has a number of features that place it in a unique genre when compared to pornography produced in other countries. Notably, because of Japanese obscenity laws, most Japanese pornography videos and photographs include a "mosaic" that blocks the view of the performers' genitalia. Uncensored JAV is also produced, though illegally. JAV has a diverse array of subgenres, many of which are the same as the subgenres in general pornography; however, there are also fetish and costume genres that are largely unique to the JAV milieu.
Vintage erotica is generally pre-1970s pornography, especially early-Twentieth-Century black and white photographs and stag films.
Extreme pornography is a term introduced by the UK Government, describing a classification of adult pornography that has become illegal to possess under new laws.
Women's Pornography refers to a category of porn that is expressly produced for female customers, taking into account that male and female receptive and aesthetic needs may differ widely. Sometimes that involves, that the director and/or producer are women. Frequently, there is a focus on certain dos and don'ts for the production process (behind the scenes and on-screen) and the actions portrayed.
Avant-porn is a subgenre of pornography with the aesthetics and methods of avant-garde cinema.
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General > Geek Thread!
- Submitted: Dec 19, 2009 04:04 AM
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browsing rude on my iPod touch right now, a bit small but it works
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Volltage
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General > Word Association Thread
- Submitted: Nov 14, 2009 09:00 PM
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General > Word Association Thread
- Submitted: Nov 03, 2009 11:13 PM
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