My Blog :: Mnahood lol

Repost of the first blog I ever wrote
12:02PM on May 31, 2008

This is a repost of the first blog I ever wrote, I even left the type-o's in. Its kinda funny and a lil angry, but enjoy lol

This is my first stab at a blog, and I have nothing to say, aren't you glad that you stopped by? Why the fuck does this happen to me all the time? I thought of this whole thing that I could blab on about and now my mind is drawing a blank...... And of course everytime I think to myself " Why the fuck didn't you write this down ", or " hey you should go log on and type that up ", hell even " You lazy bastard your phone has a voice recorder on it, use it! ". What do I do, I continue going on about my business thinking that there is no way that I will forget what I wanted to say, besides, why not wait until you can sit for a minute or two and do it right. Fuck, man, does that really piss me off. You know who else pisses me off, people who can't drive. I swear for the life of me, I don't have road rage, I don't support it, but I FUCKING UNDERSTAND IT!!!!! God, just to slam into someone once, man!!!!! but I don't!  I turn the radio up and sing it all away, just like most people I know. Another thing that I hate, if you have more than the posted amount or your writing a check, STAY OUT OF THE DAMN EXPRESS LANE at any store in the world, I hope you choke on whatever it is your buying.Oh, what the hell since I ranting why stop right? Next time I hear a teo-way cell phone conversation I'm going to lose my ever loving mind, there is only one thing worse than hearing one asshole on a cell phone, that's hearing both of them. Hey don't get me wrong I love my cell phone, but there is a limit.Also that minority of people that are fucking things up or making shit more difficult for the rest of us, CUT IT OUT already, your on the top of my shit list, why can't we all just get along. Oh, another thing that gets on my nerves, people who block the paths and walkways that the rest of us are trying to use, MOVE YOU INCONDSIDERATE ASSHOLES!!!!!!. You are all being forewarned, I am 6' 3" and 300lbs, the next person to block my path is getting thunderclutched ( in made that up, do you like? ) right to ground! If you spam people with ANYTHING, I wish that the hand that controls your mouse would fall off, it you do it again then the other one goes, I can keep going, wanna play? Oh the death penalty, I can save tax payers money and probaly turn a good profit while I'm at it. I say we let inmates on death row fight to the death, and we broadcast it as Americas newest reality show!. Ok well I don't really think that, but ask yourself this....... Would you watch it? I thought you would :-) Finally I can't stand people that are rude to customer service people, and I don't just mean people at the checkout either, I mean everyone from the clerk at my local Quickway to the president of IBM, if you have customers, patients, clients, residents, then you are in customer service. Anyway, people that are rude to ANYONE in a customer service postion, all you do is spoil their mood for me, I am always behind you and have to mend the day that you just FUCKED up for that poor person, who is just doing his or her job. Stop! Cut it Out! ot I will find you and it's on!!!!!!!! Toall you greedy, self-centered, unpolite, arrogant FUCKS, your nothing without those people....... On a postive note ---- Tip well ( at least 30% ), be kind to your nurses and doctors ( trust me they really do want to be there, I know a couple of them ), and have a safe and merry holidays.............. Now get the hell outta here!!!!

Thanks for youe time, comments welcome, though not really cared about, so be merry, eat me, and Peace, Love, and a jelly doughnut!!!!!

International Council of Manhood
4:24PM on March 09, 2008

: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manhood, Ltd