In Whom Do We Trust ?
1:08AM on August 23, 2009

Let me first dedicate this my first ever attempt at a Blog to a very good friend and amazing woman who has given me the courage to open up , Lacey this for you .
Trusting people is always an issue for me , it probably has much to do with my background and upbringing , in which I grew up as an outsider . I`m the youngest of three but with a huge gap in age between my elder sister 10yrs and my brother 6 yrs and so in effect was an only child , but one who was an unexpected arrival , which in that era mean`t  an unwanted birth , I always knew this in my mind and had it confirmed by my partner in conversation with my mother a few years ago . Also we were the only Prodestant family surrounded by large Catholic families so this  marked me out as different  and children can be so very cruel to those they perceive as different , so any small amount of confidence I possesed was destroyed . This pattern was to be repeated throughout life , so I became self reliant and very much independant never part of a gang or clique , able to work with others but seperate at the sametime . The whole point is to illustrate not my need for pity , because I don`t want or need it , but to show how valuble a commodity trust can become . We all keep secrets even from our partners whether it be a small thing or like me , that I am Bisexual , experience having taught me that to open up invites disaster . Even here on Rude and I would like to take the opportunity to thank another couple of friends Sammy and her husband Rude Brett whom along with a few others set up Rude in the first place . Sorry I digressed slightly , but in Rude most of us have found a place where we can finally be free to be ourselves, to indulge our fantasies and tastes . But as I said even here , most of us still hide behind false names , comic cartoon images or hide our faces , for fear of being recognised , most haven`t even attempted to complete the bio part of their page . So even on this very open site for like minded people Trust is still an issue , for my part even with all my fears my bio is complete except for real name (reserved for my very closest of friends ) and face is visible in Rude bits . How do you decide who you are going to trust ?, is it instinct ?, word of mouth ?, time ? or do you just like the look of the person ? or perhaps as has been the case with me in the past an inner lonliness, but what ever the criteria , it`s always a lottery .