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Ten Rules for Being Human
4:39PM on January 12, 2012
Ten Rules for Being Human
by Cherie Carter-Scott
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.
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Open Relationship Rules
11:36PM on October 04, 2011
For some reason, people have always seen me as a counselor, therapist, problem solver. I guess its because Im a good listener or maybe because they know Im a solutions focused type of person. Either way, lately, many people have been coming to me about their relationship issues or peeves about relationships in general.
Often the subject of progressive, or open relationships comes up. To some men they sound like the stuff dreams are made of...the ability to be with multiple women without punishment. For the ladies, Ive heard mixed emotions ranging from, HAYYYLLLE to the NAHLL, my man is mine! Im not sharing to Well, Id rather know whats going on, then be lied to and betrayed behind my back.
Now, Im no expert on relationships, especially the open kind, so I contacted the person I felt was best qualified to speak on this topic of open relationships and what they really are like for the couples who choose this path.
Im super excited to share with you my recent interview with celebrity love coach, best selling author, and founder of The Progressive Love Movement, Mrs. Kenya K. Stevens.
Kenya and her husband Carl, have a successful, loving, open relationship and she has offered us her insight about how they have made it work. Its a good read! Enjoy!
~ Unique
Explain some things that may let a couple know that they are ready to open their relationship?
I wrote an article on this one... Ten Ways To Know You're Ready For An Open Relationship. But the key points are simple. Do you know the real purpose of sex? Do you know about tantric sex? Do you know that sex is sacred? Do you understand the true purpose of relationships?
The answer to these questions are something many dont even think about... and if they do, they have wavering answers... This wont work in the open relationship set. Open relationships are about mindful living... responsible living and having a serious commitment and accountability to more than just one person, but especially to oneself!
Anyone who wants an open relationship must first have great relationships - with Self, Source, others, and a preferably a Primary love... Also, these persons must understand what a relationship is - relationships are OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH - thats all! Nothing more, nothing less. Sound romantic? I think not. The entire purpose of relating to other human beings is to be challenged to grow character.
Open relationships are not a joke. They should be embarked upon by mature people who know that leaving a relationship when the going gets tough, shaming and blaming others for relationships problems, and posing as victim in relationships are unacceptable. Most dont think on this level, so Id say most simply are not ready...
Give us some reasons why a couple may want to avoid an open relationship? What circumstances would make having an open relationship a bad idea?
Its a bad idea to open a relationship in order to save the relationship. It wont work. Another bad idea is opening a relationship where one partner is not on board. Both partners should be ready for the work and challenges that lie ahead.
To open the relationship means a rejection of typical American thought. This is not an easy undertaking! The staples of American relationships are jealousy, fear, insecurity and envy. TO sidestep these, both partners should be on board for the work!
What are some issues that develop once a couple decides to open their relationship? What are the typical points for resistance?
The points of resistance are simple. He is out with another woman and you are pissed, afraid, upset, off the hook and going crazy. Now what are you going to do? You have no idea, right? Which is why so many steer away from living authentic relationships such as open relationships.
The deal is that we need training to do this. In fact, we need training to Master Monogamy in the first place. There is no easy way to overcome 25+ years of baggage like anger issues, insecurity, jealousy, envy, and depression. Each challenge that arises in an open relationships should be met by two mindful people who realize they have to support one another.
For instance, my husband and I have both dealt with these feelings in our open marriage. We have had to support one another. So when either of us come home from another lover, we take time to re-integrate ourselves. Whomever was gone out with another, and even made love to another, comes close to the one who stayed home. We take time to let our partner know that we love them very much, missed them, and are fully in love and devoted to the other. This is called compassion. Necessary for open love.
How can both partners best prepare for the journey that is open relationships?
To prepare for the journey into open relationships, a couple must size up their singular relationship and make sure they know the ground rules. These are not actually rules at all as we believe rules are for fools. But these are foundational principles that we live by in our open relationship.
1. No shame No Blame - there should be no blaming or shaming the other for what they do, dont do, or have done in the past... there cant be for open relating to work!
2. No cop outs No Drop outs - there should be no exit route... this couple should be a forever things, that is the commitment.
3. No victims No Villains - make sure your relationship is free of placing either partner in the victim or villains roles... to open both parties have to know that they are each creating their own lives...
4. The purpose is Growth, The benefit is Love. - make sure you know the main purpose of relationships... Growth. The benefit of working through issues with your partner with a life long commitment is so that you can actually foster real love... real love has the four qualities listed here.
What advice would you have for someone who is or is considering being involved with a person in an open relationship?
Try not to consider the idea of having your new partner leave their current relationship. This is the problem with single people dating married people, or people in open relationships. They want exclusivity but this is not the nature of an open relationship. This has to be known and accepted up front. No secret motive to the contrary...
Find out more about open love and relationships as well as tightening up your monogamous relationship here at JujuMama - http://jujumama.com http://jujumamablog.com
Be sure to grab our books - Tame Your Woman and Change Your Man
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MrHel... |
November 05, 2011 (Report It)
I have to disagree with all this. I can't see the logic behind an open relationship. It seems like a desperate attempt on one side or the other to keep someone they feel is their treasure or one above all. Thinking you need an open relationship is like something that happens between two people in a mid life crisis. She even said that after one comes home from an affair they have to reassure one another that the love they share is real and nothing can break that. But if it truly is you wouldn't need an open relationship right? I'll stop there I'm sure there are many arguments but I'm saying it's not genuine just promicuity or trying to find that real love. |
ClitP... |
October 12, 2011 (Report It)
GREAT blog loved it |
golde... |
October 09, 2011 (Report It)
great blog! it is what i have been saying! excellent read and great thoughts on the issue! |
Levit... |
October 07, 2011 (Report It)
You're right, that was an excellent read and interview. I'm definitely going to look out that book. Thanks very much for sharing this. |
Uniqu... |
October 06, 2011 (Report It)
Hey Mdm & OEW! Thank you so much for your comments! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the interview, I really think it was great! |
MdmSy... |
October 06, 2011 (Report It)
Wow I LOVED reading this interview/entry! K. Stevens broke down an open relationship in plain terms. And I doubt the people, especially men, who claim to want an open marriage would fully accept it if they read the meaning Stevens provided. Loved this! |
OneEy... |
October 06, 2011 (Report It)
Don't nessesaraly Change Us Males ... do work With us Please. We All have the same goals ... a good Life !
OEW |
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