5 types to avoid in a relationship
10:14PM on July 15, 2009

The Umfriend: Someone who always introduces you as an acquaintance of nebulous status, as in, "This is my...um...friend." Your companion may suddenly downgrade you from new girlfriend/boyfriend status to an umfriend when they unexpectedly bump into a recent ex who is either heartbroken-slash-psycho or someone your companion would like to get back together with (sorry, sucker).

The Method Dater: Someone who adopts your personality traits and beliefs, in the process losing their sense of self. It might seem flattering at first, until they morph like a chameleon into a less convincing version of you, reminding you of everything you hate about yourself.


The Serial Dater: Someone who tries on relationships like new outfits and handles breakups with eclat, occasionally shedding a single tear if it seems right. They like their monogamy in brief, intense bursts. They leave their baggage at home. They like long walks on the beach, but they’re not particularly picky who’s holding their hand by their side -- it’s just nice to have company, ya know? So you never know if they're really into you or just the idea of you.

The Commitment-phobe: A person who's afraid of commitment, settling down (or just plain settling), intimacy, monogamy, "attached strings," obligations, ultimatums, or anything else that restricts their freedom to sleep around without responsibility. We're know they're sexy as hell, but the 100%-guaranteed break-up will hurt like hell.

The Blogger. For the record, we're still talking only about those bloggers who publish self-indulgent diaries as a sort of poor man’s insta-therapy, replete with poor spelling, gratuitous sexual minutiae, rants about exes, rants about you, gushing over a new crush, "photos of me," more rants about you, a blow-by-blow of last night’s fight, "a photo of my new tattoo," and even more rants about you. Unless you actually like the idea of your every niggling argument being adjudicated by the masses.