My Blog :: ITS WHERE YOU CAN JUST BE FREE TO BE YOU.

real talk (let a man be a man let a woman be a woman)
12:51AM on January 06, 2010

well I was talking too a friend in his room and he said something's I dont agree with and I wont agree with them he said that let a man be a man I will let a man be a man when he can step the fuck up and be a real man and as for a man being higher then a woman those days went out with the old fashion open the car door for a woman days most men dont come like that most men wont a woman who will shut up and do as she say and not say shit but this is a new fucking dawn women are paying they own bills cause that man dont wont too work a woman is raising her kids alone cause that man and man enough too step the fuck up and be a man. When a man can come too me with something of substance and not some bull shit talking about this is where a woman should be and this is where a man at there are great women who have raised there kids alone cause the man is too punkish too be a man some women have too fight tooth and nails too feed herself cause these punkish men say they going too do something and dont do it . When a real man introduce himself as a real man then I will introduce myself as a real woman . No am not bitter am mad as fuck and am not going too take some man telling me when to do this how too do that and when I can go somewhere no. when I needed a man too help me get food cause I didnt have the money too do it they punked the fuck out when I needed a man too stand buy me when I was catching hell nothing now there are some good once out there my adopted brother was there when I needed him . The reason he was a real man these punks that 's calling themselves real men aint they wont help you when you aint got nothing too eat these punks aint there . So me bowing down too a man never fuck these punk as men who cant be real men. Now I no my boy was speaking his mind am speaking mine you cant say your speaking your opinion and try too get me too take it. He cool but that I cant take when a man be a real man then and only then I will let a man be a man tell then dont tell me am bitter and that allow a man too do this too me. It takes two too hurt each other not one . Am just saying what my opinion is.

diary (2) the illness i live with..
11:18PM on October 14, 2008

today i sat here thinking of  how lonely i am and  i have no one to really talk to  and how it would just be a lot easer  it would be if i wasn't alive if i just took and hand full of pills and  end it today then i cried and said to myself that the easy way out  to just end all the heartaches headaches iv'e been feeling being here  where no one talks to you in less you have something for them . what people think around here is that am living good no am not am living but not good there have been months where i thought of killing myself or cutting myself to end the pain that  i feel  its a fight for me to live see what people don't see is that i deal with depression every day and am only  6 or 7 days away from ending my life. each day i wake up is amazing cause in my head i should be dead. in my head there is no reason to live and for people to say that it will get better try living with a illness that tells you that today is the day that you should kill yourself today no one will care that you are  going through big time issues . the illness tells you that your ugly that no one wonts you that you fat ,stupid  that you are not worth love. the illness is eating every day on my emotions and hopes and its getting stronger to fight. so  when someone say it will get better and they don't no the illness that is eating me up each day its hard to believe anyone when they say that . am fighting a illness that almost won today am fighting illness life is hard enough  but to fight a illness that tells you to end your life and  gives you the ways to do it. that a fight being a woman is ok but being sick is hell and what others don't see pass the smiles and jokes and laugh when i sign off here will i kill myself that night or will i just go to bed and sleep. that is what i think and feel when i sign off do i wont to live one more day, do i wont to fight another day.  you see mzsexandlust you don't see the other side of me the side that is fighting for her life  .i workout so that the fight am doing  every night i come out on top and live another day. see you see the user name not me. if you new that i am  2 or 3 days away from ending my life you would understand.  am not on here trying to get someone to feel sorry for me i do good on that alone. i am here to keep me from thinking of another way to kill myself   am on here to find someone who can feel me and understand there that under that face you see on my page there is a woman who is fighting hard every day to not let this illness win . if this illness win and i lose i would  kill myself and  wouldn't care. i don't have blood family i have adopted family and they are whats keeping me alive right now my adopted mother is one  woman who if she wasn't here i wouldn't  be here either. i have a brother who gives me something that blood family don't give me he let me be me and loves me for that and when i need to just  to cry he is there to wipe the tears away . now if i didn't have them i would have shot myself 2 years ago in my old home  they are the reason for me to keep fighting am getting to the point now that i stop and say one thing to snap me back from this illness. i will not be a victim  or my circumstance.  i am not a quitter and that gives  me the means to get up and fight more.... this is my thought today

bust your windows
8:50AM on October 07, 2008

jasmine sullivan - bust your windows

I bust the windows out ya car
And no it didn’t mend my broken heart
I’ll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now I don’t care about that part

I bust the windows out ya car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn’t wanna but I took my turn
I’m glad I did it cause you had to learn…

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you’d feel when you saw it
I didn’t know that I had that much strength
But I’m glad you see what happens when…

You see can’t just play with people’s feelings
Tell them you love them and don’t mean it
You’ll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

I bust the windows out ya car
You know I did it cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with the crowbar
And then I drove off into the dark

I bust the windows out ya car
You should feel lucky that that’s all I did
After five whole years of this bullshit
Gave you all of me and you played with it

Oooh, ahh…
I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you’d feel when you saw it
I didn’t know that I had that much strength
But I’m glad you see what happens when…

You see you can’t just play with people’s feelings
Tell them you love them and don’t mean it
You’ll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

But it don’t comfort to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until it happens baby you don’t know pain

Oooh, Yeah, I did it (Yeah I did it)
You should know it (You should know it)
I ain’t sorry (I ain’t sorry)
You deserved it (You deserved it)

After what you did to me (After what you did)
You deserved it (You deserved it)
I ain’t sorry (I ain’t sorry)
No, no, oh… (I ain’t sorry)

You broke my heart
So I broke ya car
You caused me pain (You caused me pain)
So I did the same

Even though all that you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt, yeah
Oh, but why am I still cryin’?
Why am I the one whose still cryin’?

Oh, oh, you really hurt me baby
You really, you really hurt me baby
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Now watch me yule
Now watch me yule
I bust the windows out ya car…

MEN AND THERE WAYS......
4:13PM on October 06, 2008

well am  learning from men that they dont wont a real woman they wont someone they can fuck they dont wont woman they wont someone who  dont wont  commitment from them one man tells me he only wont women that are with someone. to me that sounds like all your looking for is a piece of ass nothing more  you wont to fuck tell you die you dont wont a woman as your wife for life you just wont someone who will suck your dick fuck you on command and get the fuck out  in the morning you dont wont real women you wont to dog a woman and make her your side line hoe . an whats so funny the same man that say dont wont a wife they marry the skin woman who is basically i candy who dont wont nothing more then your money an who will fuck you when you pay her shes gone by morning. men ok some men wont the women who are the p.b's of the world pretty bitches they dont wont you in less you look like a model  if you find a man that like you the way you are that is a good thing. but as a friend on here told me once i aint trying to be your man. they aint trying to be with you only fuck you that is. PART 2 COMING SOON?












 

live houses attitudes#2 mod's or page police
8:04PM on October 02, 2008

ok here is something when a sister go in a live house and just enjoying herself why are some of these mods talking like they the live house police i was in a live house and the mod was doing her thing  i said go boy damn that hot mmmm sexy the mod tell me to claim down WHAT? this the second time a mod tried to get pushie i didnt make request or demands i just  said go boy damn that hot mmmm sexy now when did words become so fucking hurtful that some bitch who aint getting paid telling someone else to claim down am not in the live house yelling cussing at him am just enjoying myself some of these mods need pills they are tripping the men and women in there live house doing they stuff what every  and some mod going to tell me to claim down .  now if i was ghetto that day i would have told that witch are you fucking him if so why your man or whatever jacking off on the computer? i would have told that bitch look tell you pay for my internet service i will claim down then tell then shut the hell up and get off the computer with that shit am grown and am not making no demand or request back off bitch i will blow your page up i will make you hate my fucking words....

A DICK DECREE
7:41PM on October 02, 2008

1.IF I GOT TO ASK YOU MORE THEN THREE TIME TO GET THE PUSSY FORGET THIS PUSSY.

2. IF YOU CALL ME AND TELL ME YOU CANT MAKE IT CAUSE YOU HANGING WITH YOUR BOYS FORGET THE PUSSY.

3.IF I TELL YOU THAT AM HORNY AN I WONT TO FUCK NOW AN WE CAN GET DOWN HOW EVERY AND YOU DONT COME FORGET THE PUSSY.

4. IF YOU MAKE EXCUSE AFTER EXUSES WHY YOU CAN GET THE PUSSY FORGET THE PUSSY.

5.IF YOU TRY TO TURN BLAME ON ME FOR SOME SHIT YOU DIDNT DO FORGET THE PUSSY.

6. IF A WOMAN SAY BABY FUCK ME HOW EVERY WHERE EVERY WHEN EVERY AND YOU DONT COME FORGET THE PUSSY

7. MOST IMPORTANT IF YOU TURN PUSSY DOWN CAUSE YOU  SAY THAT YOU DONT WONT TO WAKE ME IN THE MORNING SO YOU AINT COMING AND YOU SITTING AT HOME WITH A BUNCH OF MEN SMOKING WEED AND NOT FUCKING ME ALL NIGHT FORGET THE PUSSY..

LIFE'S LITTLE INSTRUCTION BOOK ( first 10)
8:57AM on October 02, 2008

511 suggestions,observations and reminders on how to live and rewarding life.
(something my mother gave me long time ago am just sharing some humor with u)

1.compliment three people every day.
2.have a dog
3.watch a sunrise at least once a year
4.remember other peoples birthdays
5.overtip breakfast waitresses
6.have a firm handshake
7. look people in the eye
8.say''thank you'' a lot
9.say '' please'' a lot
10.learn to play musical instrument.

WORD OF THE DAY
8:47AM on October 02, 2008

THERE WILL BE WORD OF THE DAY  EVERY DAY SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARDED TO AN GO BUY..
(words to that  you can overcome and work on) take these words and try to live in them and work with them..

WORD OF THE DAY.....

WEDNESDAY  WORD-->MODERATION
THURSDAY WORD ---> PATIENCE
 Firday -----> Tolerate
Saturday---->compassion
sunday---->consideration
monday----->forgiving
tuesday----->faith
wednesday--->hope
thursday------->truth
friday-------> love 
Saturday---->joy
Sunday----->pain
Monday------->angry
Tuesday----->frustration
Wednesday------->accepting
 

diary 1(mind fuck)
6:30PM on October 01, 2008

DIARY1
there are these days when i just feel like what the fuck  today a friend said he was coming over and he didnt he stood me up for the second time and  now the guy i bang on a normally is playing hide  the dick from me and am done with it all am so tried of waiting for something that never come through and am suppose to just take it  like am some second class chick. most men would love a woman who is freakie and whos there for them not these mother fuckers they wont to do the wait thing and i dont do waiting to well . ok if your my man i would be really angry now but you not your just some ass i get when i wont it and to have me wait or dont call that is something am not doing am tried of it am cutting lose these men am done its other men out there who wont a woman whos down for them and whos freakie to. now come on a woman say to you she wont  you to fuck the hell out of her  would you give her some run around? well that what's going on here there giving me the run around and they think that they will be able to come back and that aint happen . am done with boys and fake ass men if you dont wont to see me then dont am not going to beg no niggra to come see me am not going to sit there calling some mother fucker and he dont pick up fuck that am done . i havnt found one real man here  the men  wont games and i dont do games to well i got a life to lead am not playing it no more with no man. if i tell a man one time come get some pussy and they give me bull shit then there will be no more other times am done with all this i am thinking of just giving up on detroit men all together and just think of moving and stop caring about men and just think of  other things am done with this waiting game men here wont to do (not all men ) just the punk bitches..

This woman's pled
9:17PM on September 30, 2008

Tuesday, September 09, 2008
1:23 AM

Judge me not for my intellect or the way that I speak.
judge me not for the curves in my hips and the easy in my step or the sensual thrust for a men's seductive words. judge me not for the size of my breast and the smoothness and roundness in my behind. judge me not for the way my lips curl when I say your name or the way my body sways side to side when I walk, for its not my rhythm nor my rhymes . nor is the seduction that may lays behind these eyes. judge me not for the way I carry myself for it is class and not always the ass that gets you coming back. Judge me not cause your man/ woman choose me it's not the way you talk or how you walk nor the wad its what lays in your eyes and your rhythm and rhymes . so judge me not for saying am neither your bitch or your hoe for I am a woman behind these erotic eyes, judge me not for the truth that I speak . I am who I am cause who I come from. love me for the strength and never the lies others may say... love me for the curves in my hips and the easy in my step and the sensual thrust of a mans sweet word. For I am who I am cause of who I come from. Judge me not for what you think I am but for who I am . I AM A CHILD OF GOD.
 

TICKED AND TALKING part 2 do i just sit around all day
3:47PM on September 29, 2008

forgive me when i do this but people  ask me  what do i do or do i just sit around all day.  forgive this rampage but it has to be said.
Résumé
 caregiver 9years  housekeeper 9yrs and i took a care of the bills for my mother i took care of  3 people that were in my family . i was a nurse to them for 9yrs cleaning and giving them there mediction on time and washing them. i answer phone  deliver mall shopped cooked cleaned  .i was a Security guard/Physical therapies/homecare provider. i watched 3 people die and lose 4 people that were dear to me and for someone ask me that all i do is sit around is annoying when they dont no me. i spent my years taking care of others and i watched all of them die and now its just me . so if i want to sit around and do nothing i got that right i was the only one who took care of the people i loved and i have put myself in the hospital once for stress and depression so if i choose to have a drink any day all day i can . if i want to sit around the house i have that right i payed my do's and i did bitch of ask for help from the people who was suppose to help  with there own family memebers. if i sound mad i am am tried of people saying you dont work.or you to young to retire  they passed away my job was done and for anyone to say that caregiving aint a job do it  and do it for years no help no back up just you alone then tell me  what the fuck do you call it. what do i do now i fucking live what do i do now i fucking keep moving on . they gone i cant change that i did my job and i did it with honor and with love and i dont think i should have to take someone dowing the fact that i dont work and telling me that i drink alot or that they cant drink every day . if i said that i drinked every day it still wouldnt be a problem i am retired  i can fuck all day drink all day and have fun if i so choose to.. just cause i didnt have babies after babies dont mean am lazy that mean some of who dont have kids dont wont them.(sorry for the rampage somethings were getting to me and i let it out)

SORRY FOR BLOWING UP. i am  working on issues about my angry

TICKED AND TALKING part 1
10:20PM on September 25, 2008

ticked and typing. what i dont get why is it that a woman is a hoe and a slute for what you men do almost all the time. why do you put us so high  and when we play the same game were hoes and slutes and bitches
i no you say you hold us to different standards did we ask you to. we asked for equal 50/50 as soon as we do what you do we hoes and slute  now wouldnt it be wrong if we turned around and called you that.. here is another thing that get me why is it when  that us women have to be naked for you to wont to talk? do we have to be naked all the time for some conversation and why do it has to end up with what are you wearing ? here is my view point if you can stick your dick in women all over the board why the hell do you have a problem if i  wont to fuck so dude i saw on a page.. how about this you do you and let me do me and dont call me out my name cause we do what you do and we are better at it.. dont get me wrong there are good men out here but the ones who say that your wrong for what you do shut up please ! an the good men out there who are saying there good men open your eyes there are good women . we aint all 4 sizes away from being 2 that aint a sizes for a woman.that a kid size . if you say you wont a good woman then stop always looking at the women who can pass for toothpicks.hear is a bbw who is fun,freaky,smart, loving real and if i must say damn fine. but men ignore me cause am not showing pussy and ass an fucking in front of a cam dont ignore me cause i dont  do it. and i dont knock the ones who do i just dont see myself doing it that all. SO TO THE RUDE MEN LOOK THE RIGHT WOMAN COULD BE IN YOUR FACE AND YOU JUST WONT OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!

to some of these uptight mods CLAIM THE FUCK DOWN
3:28PM on September 24, 2008

some of these control freaks mod's not all but some the sisters with the attitude as if there getting payed to do this there are snapping and checking you like they fucking the host  now i can see if i got out of hand or made request directing but talking you tell a person  to claim down now you wont to be my fucking emotions now if i wont to get turned on happy why should  you check me for being happy one mod said this to me today in a group show claim down mz  relax now i see if i was asking someone to take it off whip it out bend over now some sister going to tell me how to feel . that what i hate about some mod's not all but the ones who think there gods in the rooms you are a mod and  you aint getting paid you claim the fuck down you fucking relax. why do these bitches keep getting emotional now if your a good mod i live it . but if am in there just  talking to her and  i get happy  shut the fuck up am not telling what to do or directing her   now someone else in that same room got happy and  this bitch didnt say shit to them but you pick me to talk too dont let the name fool you am not stupid or  a damn fool dont talk to me like a bitch  check me if am making resquest and directing  dont check me for being happy  being turned on fuck that. an you got the nerovs to talk to me like some kid am grown i dont go in the rooms saying take your dick out and whip around  now do this do that play with your pussy  .i dont i  you go you can do another that aint a request or directing am  just saying if you  can do it.   too some of these mod  you claim down its not your job you aint getting payed and if i didnt make a request or directing   CLAIM DOWN ITS A SHOW  THAT ALL A SHOW

Unexpected encounter
1:11AM on September 24, 2008

You feeding me you carnal lust that our bodies create you make the nights better you are what I need sensation of your body pressed next to mine we wind and twist and bodies mixing as one you feed me your lips and I feed you mine you taste me and I taste of you .i taste of your desire drinking up the lust of what we did mixing you and me making we in this seductive loving making romance. you on me am on you , you tasting me and I drink of you . We drink up this sexual climax we just made we bask in this orgasmic experience this seductive persuading this lustful linger that drapes over us. You and me become we . you drink of me and I drink of you tasting every part of what you cant seem to hide behind. You feed me the taste of love and I cant to get enough….
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This woman's pled
3:55PM on September 23, 2008

Judge me not for my intellect or the way that I speak.
judge me not for the curves in my hips and the easy in my step or the sensual thrust for a men's seductive words. judge me not for the size of my breast and the smoothness and roundness in my behind. judge me not for the way my lips curl when I say your name or the way my body sways side to side when I walk, for its not my rhythm nor my rhymes . nor is the seduction that may lays behind these eyes. judge me not for the way I carry myself for it is class and not always the ass that gets you coming back. Judge me not cause your man/ woman choose me it's not the way you talk or how you walk nor the wad its what lays in your eyes and your rhythm and rhymes . so judge me not for saying am neither your bitch or your hoe for I am a woman behind these erotic eyes, judge me not for the truth that I speak . I am who I am cause who I come from. love me for the strength and never the lies others may say... love me for the curves in my hips and the easy in my step and the sensual thrust of a mans sweet word. For I am who I am cause of who I come from. Judge me not for what you think I am but for who I am . I AM A CHILD OF GOD.

drug
9:18PM on September 20, 2008

you are the fix that I need when I'm alone. having you inside my mind is a dream that i never wont to lose . That day i will see what god has made and I will bask in his amazing work. words has not been formed yet to explain your essence you are a cool breeze a sweet nights wind you are heat when it's cold .you are the desire that a woman long for .a fever over comes my body you make me weak in the knees you are my drug. I need to have every single drop of you inside of me digging its way to my very core . The taste of your lips the strokes of your hands over my body, the feeling of your love inside of me loving me feeding me every desire you every want or need. .the sound of your voice in my ear the touch of your hands the sweet taste of your lips the feel of your body pressed to mine loving and living as one sum of a love you are my drug that fuels my every deepest emotion. You are my addiction my drug my fix my passion your are what I need .you are what I desire you are my pieces of you. my weakness my desire my one and only drug.
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state of this rude life ignored
1:02PM on September 18, 2008

ive been excused and removed dismissed replaced i been ignored pushed aside made to feel like a old car that i cant even drive. lied to and about  told this and told that damn  ive been replaced for a  size 6' (that is  5 happy meals away from a brake down )and replaced for a  32 d .   nor do i walk and talk that way .i am  100% woman no side effects not lose of bank account. i am all woman love the me inside of me, love the love handles stop i've been excused and removed and dismissed ,replaced and ignored pushed aside and made to feel like a old car i cant even drive.i dont think and  the way they think nor walk there walk but ive been excused and removed dismissed and replaced ,ignored and pushed aside made to feel like a old car that i can not even drive. i can feeling the light stires and sight cold glance. ive been excused and removed dismissed and even replaced i been ingored and pushed aside .made to feel like a old car that i cant even drive.

the last
4:39PM on September 16, 2008

 the last
alway the last to the party last to be seen and last to be blessed what did i do was it at birth or before i was born what did i do to be the last at life  and the last to every be happy. what did i do was it my words do look funny what did i do to be last at life did i not pray enough or party enough read enough what did i do . love wont come my way  blessing has pasted buy me and i dont get love nor do i get life the man above  has forgotten me once again did i do something to upsat him ,what did i do for life to just pass me buy.am i not pretty enough smart enough am i not just as good as the others .always the last in life last in love. should it be more to this world then being last for every thing..

What women wont part 2
8:18AM on September 15, 2008

What women wont you no what women wont women wont to be treated as women we don’t wont to be looked down to .called weak and worthless what do us women wont we wont a man who don’t need his ego stroke to feel like a man we wont a man to stop talking to use like were some stupid as women . Women wont to love without some man telling use how to love when to love and with how we should love. We wont the rights that our sister in the 60's 70's fought for we women don’t wont to be treated like were the less creator women don’t wont told that cause you are a woman you cant do this you cant do that women don’t wont to hear that we don’t need some man saying just cause you’re a woman that you can be a player or a pimp like me there are women who have fought and died so that we as women are seen as equals not just the ones that have your babies fuck you when you wont and cook your dinner the 60's and the 70's are gone we don’t wont some man telling us how to live and where to live we have women out there that are worth more then the male counter parts we wont equal we wont r.e.s.p.e.c.t we don’t wont a man trying to undo what sisters have died to make for use women don’t wont to be called out of our names you men need to get this you came from a woman some raised buy women some were teached buy women some where loved buy women some even married women some even have loved hard you cant just take away our voice cause you don’t like that your wife makes more then you. some women somewhere even teached you how to dress and cook and clean what do us women wont we don’t wont you to tell us how we should live out lives cause yal cant take your egos being stepped on bull shit.
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what a woman wont part 1
12:17PM on September 13, 2008

 
what a woman wont part 1
4:17AM on September 13, 2008


what do women wont and sister you on point . what this woman wont is for man/woman to just be there when i need some help when am sad be there . smile with me when i don’t wont to smile hold me when days are bad and when they good don’t be a shamed to kiss when were out in public bring me up when am down . love me when am bad help me to be better when am good. i wont someone who can make love to my mind and seduce my body. i wont someone that see me and love me for who i am not what you think i can do for you. be my rock when am stuck between the two hard places. be real for me and i will be real for you. I wont someone who is on my level trying to work it out together . is that too much to ask for.. Well am just amazed that use women are put a low level we are downed and belittled treated as if were nothing important men say it all the time you cant do like we do and still be a lady ,what is jacked up is that we come from women that have done tones of things for women’s rights and men don’t like it when a woman can do as they do so women have to play down there brains for brothers cause men don’t wont brains they wont body .. So they just wont to see a woman as video hoes, slutes nothing more nothing less men wont the control rule. Not the real man rule..
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