My Blog :: Jokes everyone can enjoy..!!!! Real Facts to amuse..!!!!

Joke of the day
3:29PM on January 30, 2009

A Day Out at the Cattle Market

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"

The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."

Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do you say to that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"

The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

Joke of the day
6:14PM on January 29, 2009

Murphy's Sex Laws

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2. Nothing improves with age.

3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.

4. Sex has no calories.

5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.

8. No sex with anyone in the same office.

9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12. Virginity can be cured.

13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.

16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.

17. It is always the wrong time of month.

18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.

21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

22. The younger the better.

23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

27. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.

28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

29. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.

30. Love is a hole in the heart.

31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

33. Do it only with the best.

34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.

36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

39. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.

40. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.

41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

42. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.

43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.

44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

46. Never say no.

47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her.

48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

52. Love comes in spurts.

53. The world does not revolve on an axis.

54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

56. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up.

57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

60. “This won’t hurt, I promise,”

Joke of the day
1:53PM on January 28, 2009

Bicycles Or Women

Why bicycles are better than Women...

Bicycles don't get pregnant.

You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.

Bicycles don't have parents.

Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

You can share your Bicycle with your friends.

Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden.

When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.

Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have.

Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles.

Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.

You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle" unless you go out to buy one yourself.

If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.

If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.

If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.

If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.

You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.

Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.

Bicycles don't get headaches.

Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.

Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.

Bicycles don't care if you're late.

You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.

If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts.

You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.

When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.

Joke of the day
9:44AM on January 27, 2009

Abstinence

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."

Joke of the day
10:37AM on January 26, 2009

Gender Quiz

Unsure of Your Sex? Take This Quick Quiz:

1. Aside from getting sterilized, your birth control options are:

a. one

b. almost a dozen

2. When parking your car in a public garage you:

a. toss your keys jauntily to the attendant

b. hand your keys over politely

3. You haven't shaved in 4 days. The resulting stubble can be construed as:

a. sexy

b. gross

4. At the doctor's, a common request would be:

a. "Cough."

b. "Would you like to scoot down just a little more dear?"

5. As a sporty person, you need athletic support with:

a. one cup

b. two cups

6. When you're feeling insecure, what you say to your best friend is:

a. nothing

b. "Do I look fat?"

7. You've slept with several hundred people, one term used to describe you would be:

a. sports legend

b. tramp

8. The age it hits home that junk food will devastate your body is:

a. 35

b. 14

9. When you hear the words "hand wash," the first thing that comes to your mind is:

a. your car

b. panty hose

10. It's the seventh game of the playoffs, bottom of the ninth, score tied. Bases are loaded with 2 outs. The man at bat has a .311 average against southpaws, and the pitcher is a lefty. Your mate turns to you and says, "Do you want a back rub?" You are:

a. too busy screaming at the TV to even hear the question

b. daydreaming

11. Your idea of basic pump is:

a. an athletic shoe made by Nike

b. a heeled shoe made by Fayva

12. Multiple Orgasms are something you:

a. give

b. get

Your Score:

a = 1 point b = 2 points

0-12 Congratulations, you are a male. This means you have a greater lean muscle-to-fat ratio, earn most of the money, and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.

13-24 Congratulations, you are a female. This means you will live longer, have your choice of wearing either pants or a skirt in polite company and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.

Joke of the day
10:14PM on January 25, 2009

A Favor for an Old Friend

There was once an old man and a parrot living all alone together for like 40 years.

One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, "you know, I've never had a woman in my life."

So the old man, as a favour to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40 dollars.

He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered the cage and went to bed. He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was being killed.

He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female. "What are you doing?" the old man screamed.

The parrot replied, "Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want the bitch naked!"

Joke of the day
1:14PM on January 24, 2009

A Trip to Zoo

Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?" His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk." "No, at the other end." "That, son is the tail." "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing." The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question. "Daddy, what is that long thing?" "That's the trunk, son," replies the father. "No at the other end." "Oh, that is the tail." "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" "Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy. Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."

Joke of the day
10:13AM on January 23, 2009

Artificial Insemination

After much soul searching and having determined the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups. She was feeling rather awkward about the entire procedure when the doctor came in. Her anxiety was not diminished by the sight of him pulling down his pants! "Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here?" yelped the woman, pulling herself into a sitting position. "Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor. "Well, yes, I do," answered the woman. "Then lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor. "We're all out of the bottled stuff. You'll just have to settle for what's on tap."

Joke of the day
10:10AM on January 22, 2009

What My Daddy Told Me

Daddy told me long ago,

"Son, don't play with your dick.

Your teeth will rot, your nose will grow,

It's sure to make you sick."

"Your palms will get all hairy,

Or so I've heard it said.

You'll grow up to be a fairy

Just like your uncle Ned."

"Your bones will crack, your skin will crawl

Your back will always ache.

You won't grow more than four feet tall.

Your knees will start to shake."

"Your tongue will get all mushy,

Your hair will all turn green,

And then you'll lose your tushy

Before you turn thirteen."

"Your ears will flop, your eyes will cross,

Your crotch will start to smell.

Your brain will turn to applesauce.

You'll die and go to hell."

"And if they ask me how you died,

I'll tell them you were sick.

But in my heart I'll know I lied.

It's 'cause you pulled your prick!"

Daddy went to work this morn

And Mommy's in the kitchen.

I think I'll get out Daddy's porn

And give myself a twitchin'.

Joke of the day
10:43AM on January 21, 2009

10 Rrejection Lines Given by Women (and what they actually mean)

10. I think of you as a brother.

(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.

(You are one Jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.

(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.

(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.

(Who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work.

(Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.

(It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.

(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.

(I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends.

(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)

Joke of the day
9:53AM on January 20, 2009

What Every Girl Should Know

Unfortunately, many men who seem attractive on the surface are actually strongly homosexual, often without even knowing it. Men with lean waists, overdeveloped chests, arms and clean skin are actually unconsciously obsessed by male bodies. You should stay far away from men who are athletes or rock stars, and men who feel compelled to dress in fancy suits with clean shirts and polished shoes. These "men" often have a compulsion to spend money on sumptuous meals, taxicabs, and expensive trinkets to compensate for their affliction.

Experienced, self-confident lovers, the kind you want don't need to alter the natural contours of their bodies. They are content with slender arms, relaxed chests, and waists with a comfortable amount of flesh, which can come in handy during moments of intimacy (why do you think they call them "love handles"?)

One other tip: Married men can be depended on not to cause embarrassing rumors about you at home or school. Men on short business trips are discreet, grateful, and particularly driven by passion. Look for them!

HOW "BIG" SHOULD A MAN BE?

Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded by confusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men substantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to cure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly larger than a ball-point pen.

HOW "LONG" SHOULD A MAN LAST?

Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-imponderable thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go for up to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a man who can "last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let your girlfriends know you've landed one of these desirable "sixty second wonders."

HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?

The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words, but most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like something inside of you." When a man's penis is inside your vagina, or mouth or buttocks, that is an orgasm. You'll find a really skilled lover applies the same techniques to love as a gourmet does to a meal; he "leaves a little something on your plate." When, after intercourse, you feel a vague sensation that there could be "more to come," that "vaguely unsatisfied" feeling," then you can be sure you've experienced a sexually memorable adventure.

WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?

There is no such thing.

WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX?

This is one of the most significant differences between the sexes. If you look at pictures of a man and a woman, you'll see the a man's penis fits naturally into a woman's mouth. On the other hand, a man's mouth does not naturally fit into a woman's vagina. Thus, a woman orally stimulating a man is performing a "natural" act. But a man seeking to put his mouth on or near your vagina is committing an "unnatural" act (why do you think they call the vagina your "private parts"?)

WHAT IS AFTERPLAY?

Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh, followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and you are "GIB." Another example of male "afterplay" is his turning on a football or basketball game immediately after climax. Many women find a particularly satisfying postcoital experience in going into the kitchen and bringing a nice, cold beer for the man, along with a light snack, sandwich, potato chips and dip, to help her love put back depleted calories.

WHAT IS IMPOTENCE?

Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her man properly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when she tries to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with him. If this happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on TV or getting your man a sandwich. Another really good "foreplay" technique is to invite a really good-looking girlfriend over, and do whatever he asks, to him or to each other, while he watches.

HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE?

One good way to keep things from becoming routine is to vary your dress. Garter belts, black mesh stocking, leather or rubber suits will all help get your man's attention. Also, don't keep playing "one on one." Invite your more attractive and energetic girlfriends over to take part. Another technique, and we think the best, is to use anonymous names. Have your lover call himself "Mr. Smith." Don't let him tell you where he lives, or his home telephone number. You'll find it lends an air of real "mystery" to the affair.

HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN?

When looking for the ideal man, about twenty-five to fifty, married, on a business trip, with enough flab to assure you of his masculinity, go to a 'local' about 8:30 at night. Look around the bar, then, when you've found your man, unbutton the top three or four buttons on your blouse, wink at him, walk over and whisper in his ear, "You're cute, can I buy you a drink?" This is a real conversation icebreaker and things will naturally progress from here.

SOME OTHER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:

Q: "If I get pregnant, how do I know who the father is?"

A: There is absolutely no way to tell.

Q: "What's the best way to keep my teeth and skin looking healthy and shiny?"

A: One of the best and most frequently neglected substances is semen. The more you can somehow get on your teeth and skin, the better you'll look.

Q: "What are some "loving nicknames" we can use?"

A: You should always call him, "Mr. Smith." You can also call him, "King Kong," "Master," or "stud." Men often call their favorite lovers, "Hey you" or "Uh, Miss?"

Q: "Where should a man take me?"

A: Because so many homosexual men like to take their "dates" out for fancy meals, look for the man who will send you out to KFC or McDonalds for a snack. That means his mind is not on food, so you know what he's thinking about.

Q: "What happens if he doesn't call?"

A: He may be trying to keep the romance alive; go out every few weeks to your 'local' and look to see if he's come back. If he doesn't, find another person who sort of looks like him and maybe writes or works for a humor magazine, then try the "Can I buy you a drink?" technique with him. You may find you've met a new, exciting lover.

Joke of the day
9:17AM on January 19, 2009

New Life

A nun and a priest are wandering, lost, in the desert, when all of a sudden their camel up and dies. Seeing nothing but sand around them for miles, they prepare themselves to meet their Maker.

The Priest, knowing that he's mere hours away from death, says, "You know, I've never seen a woman's breasts before. Since it probably won't matter any more, would you show me yours?"

The nun agrees and shows him.

He asks, "May I touch them?"

She agrees, and he tells her with complete sincerity that they're very nice.

Next, the nun says that she's never seen a man's penis before, and would he mind showing her his. He agrees and whips it out.

"That's very nice!" she says. "May I touch it?"

He agrees and she fondles him, resulting, of course, in a large chubby.

The priest, now overcome with years of pent-up lust, says, "You know, if I put my penis in the right place, it can give life!"

She asks, "Is that so?"

"Yes!"

"Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the hell out of here!"

Joke of the day
10:50AM on January 18, 2009

Roll Out the Barrel

Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"

The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion. "Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."

"Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I'm out a bag of gold every trip!"

"Not so," replied the other captain. "After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time."

The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel.

When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long, I'll be able to buy a new boat!'

This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain cried out, "What's the meaning of this?!"

"You sick bastard," replied the cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?"

"Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"

"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!"

Joke of the day
10:36AM on January 17, 2009

ABC'S of Sex

A is the Artful word he uses.

B is the Blush as she gently refuses.

C is the Creep of his hand up her legs.

D is the Don't as she pleadingly begs.

E is the Excitement as his hand goes higher.

F is the Feeling of ticklish desire.

G is the Gasp as her quim, he touches.

H is the Helplessness she feels in his clutches.

I is the Itching which makes her feel hot.

J is the Jump as the spot, he touches.

K is the Kiss with which she rewards him.

L is the Love which she now feels towards him.

M is the Move which they make for the bed.

N is the Nice way her legs are outspread.

O is the Opening now fully revealed.

P is the Pen with nib fully pealed.

Q is the Queerness she feels when it is in.

R is the Rubbing that's now to begin.

S is the Strokes getting stronger and stronger.

T is the Tickling she wishes would last longer.

U is the Unction now freely flowing.

V is the Vigour with which they are moving.

W is the Wish that he would do it again.

X is the Xtent of the pleasure they gain.

Y is the Yearning that makes her feel sick.

Z is the Zambuk he rubs on his prick.

Joke of the day
2:58PM on January 16, 2009

Comprisons at the Supermarket

Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me ofJohn's balls."

Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?"

"No", Sue answers. "That dirty."

Joke of the day
11:58AM on January 15, 2009

Sausage

Janey was walking down North Main Street in Danville. As she walked past the delicatessen, she glanced into the shop window. There, nestled in amongst the salami, was a sign proclaiming "Fresh from Warsaw-World's Largest Sausage."

Hanging on a large hook above it, was the most enormous sausage she had ever seen. It must've been at least eight inches in diameter, and two feet long.

"That's a two-man zeppelin, not a sausage," she thought. "Oh well, I'll try anything once."

So she walked into the shop, heaved the 20 lb. monster down off the hook and, plunking it down on the counter, presented it to the shopkeeper, who immediately wrestled it onto the machine and started slicing it up.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" cried Janey in dismay. "What do you think I am? A slot machine.

Joke of the day
10:04AM on January 14, 2009

Why Sex Is Like a Roller Coaster

It goes like this - you get it on with your partner. There is anxious anticipation as you start. You start slowly, climbing your way to the top.

There are smiles exchanged, and giggles, maybe even caressing or hand holding. The excitement builds and builds. It nears the top. The expressions on faces become wondrous and excited. Then as it hits the pinnacle, things move very fast. There's a quick motion, the heart races with complete excitement; faces are all in total pleasure. Arms are flailing, heads are bouncing, and there is some noticeable screaming going on.

The rest of the ride is up and down, twisting and turning, lots of bumping, sometimes in the light, sometimes in the dark, sometimes there's a surprise, and sometimes it becomes all too familiar but always...always...at the end, there's a big smile on the face, hair is all messed up and everyone is talking about how great it is while some of them say, "I wanna go again"...

Joke of the day
10:15AM on January 13, 2009

Single Woman's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep.

Please don't send me no more creeps.

Please just send me one good man.

One without a wedding band.

One good man who's sweet as pie.

Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie.

Who dresses neat and doesn't smell.

And is sexy like my man Denzel.

Man, if I should die before I wake,

that would truly take the cake;

No matrimony or honeymoon.

No fancy reception planned for June.

No throwing of the wedding bouquet.

Please, God, don't let me go out that way.

If I die before I meet Mr. Right

I won't go out without a fight.

But then again with my luck,

He'd probably be just some schmuck.

The single life is not that bad

I know it's just a passing fad.

I won't be blue. I will not frown.

Besides, I like my toilet seat down.

No more makeup, won't comb my hair.

So never mind this stupid prayer.

The single life will do just fine.

So what's up, girlfriend?

IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!

Joke of the day
11:13AM on January 12, 2009

Modern Fairy Tale

One day, an young girl is walking through a park when she hears a faint "help me, help me." She looks around and follows the quiet voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a little green frog trapped under a log. The girl moves the log and picks up the frog.

"Oh, thank you, thank you," says the frog. "Take me home and put me on your pillow and in the morning I'll be a handsome Prince."

So the girl takes the frog home and puts him on the pillow and there in the morning is a handsome prince.

You don't believe that?

Neither did her mother!

Joke of the day
11:13PM on January 11, 2009

Escaped Convict

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!"