My Blog :: Jokes everyone can enjoy..!!!! Real Facts to amuse..!!!!

Are your videos being deleted??
1:39AM on January 31, 2009

I don't know if its just me or its everybody, but a few of my video have been deleted by admin...They say deleted for the following reasons but they don't list any reasons..Its just left blank....I wanted to know has this happened to anyone elese or is it just me......Cuzz ever since I pissed off the guys at rude they been on my ass....And yes maybe I brought it on myself, by making a big deal out of something that I felt was relevant to me(not to you)maybe I did....Now it seems like I'm the target for anything that's already going on in the Rude community....I cant be mad...I mean why be mad..These folks got a job to do right....So somebody tell me is this happening to you or is it just me?????

Real Fact #478
3:35PM on January 30, 2009

Candles will burn longer and drip less if they are place in a freezer a few hours before using.

Joke of the day
3:29PM on January 30, 2009

A Day Out at the Cattle Market

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"

The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."

Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do you say to that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"

The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

Real Fact #479
6:16PM on January 29, 2009

Knots come out easier if you sprinkle talcum powder on the.

Joke of the day
6:14PM on January 29, 2009

Murphy's Sex Laws

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2. Nothing improves with age.

3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.

4. Sex has no calories.

5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.

8. No sex with anyone in the same office.

9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12. Virginity can be cured.

13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.

16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.

17. It is always the wrong time of month.

18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.

21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

22. The younger the better.

23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

27. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.

28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

29. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.

30. Love is a hole in the heart.

31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

33. Do it only with the best.

34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.

36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

39. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.

40. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.

41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

42. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.

43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.

44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

46. Never say no.

47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her.

48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

52. Love comes in spurts.

53. The world does not revolve on an axis.

54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

56. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up.

57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

60. “This won’t hurt, I promise,”

Real Fact #480
1:56PM on January 28, 2009

You can tell wich day a loaf of bread was baked by the color of its plastic twist tag.

Joke of the day
1:53PM on January 28, 2009

Bicycles Or Women

Why bicycles are better than Women...

Bicycles don't get pregnant.

You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.

Bicycles don't have parents.

Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

You can share your Bicycle with your friends.

Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden.

When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.

Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have.

Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles.

Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.

You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle" unless you go out to buy one yourself.

If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.

If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.

If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.

If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.

You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.

Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.

Bicycles don't get headaches.

Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.

Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.

Bicycles don't care if you're late.

You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.

If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts.

You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.

When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.

Real Fact #484
9:48AM on January 27, 2009

Rinsing bacon under cold water before frying can reduce the amount it shrinks by almost 50%.

Joke of the day
9:44AM on January 27, 2009

Abstinence

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."

Real Fact #485
10:45AM on January 26, 2009

Refrigerating apples can help the last up to 10 times longer than those left out at room temperature.

Joke of the day
10:37AM on January 26, 2009

Gender Quiz

Unsure of Your Sex? Take This Quick Quiz:

1. Aside from getting sterilized, your birth control options are:

a. one

b. almost a dozen

2. When parking your car in a public garage you:

a. toss your keys jauntily to the attendant

b. hand your keys over politely

3. You haven't shaved in 4 days. The resulting stubble can be construed as:

a. sexy

b. gross

4. At the doctor's, a common request would be:

a. "Cough."

b. "Would you like to scoot down just a little more dear?"

5. As a sporty person, you need athletic support with:

a. one cup

b. two cups

6. When you're feeling insecure, what you say to your best friend is:

a. nothing

b. "Do I look fat?"

7. You've slept with several hundred people, one term used to describe you would be:

a. sports legend

b. tramp

8. The age it hits home that junk food will devastate your body is:

a. 35

b. 14

9. When you hear the words "hand wash," the first thing that comes to your mind is:

a. your car

b. panty hose

10. It's the seventh game of the playoffs, bottom of the ninth, score tied. Bases are loaded with 2 outs. The man at bat has a .311 average against southpaws, and the pitcher is a lefty. Your mate turns to you and says, "Do you want a back rub?" You are:

a. too busy screaming at the TV to even hear the question

b. daydreaming

11. Your idea of basic pump is:

a. an athletic shoe made by Nike

b. a heeled shoe made by Fayva

12. Multiple Orgasms are something you:

a. give

b. get

Your Score:

a = 1 point b = 2 points

0-12 Congratulations, you are a male. This means you have a greater lean muscle-to-fat ratio, earn most of the money, and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.

13-24 Congratulations, you are a female. This means you will live longer, have your choice of wearing either pants or a skirt in polite company and a select few of your sex can look forward to being president someday.

Real Fact #486
10:18PM on January 25, 2009

While chopping onions, hold a peice of bread between your lips to keep your eyes from watering.

Joke of the day
10:14PM on January 25, 2009

A Favor for an Old Friend

There was once an old man and a parrot living all alone together for like 40 years.

One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, "you know, I've never had a woman in my life."

So the old man, as a favour to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40 dollars.

He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered the cage and went to bed. He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was being killed.

He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female. "What are you doing?" the old man screamed.

The parrot replied, "Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want the bitch naked!"

Real Fact #487
1:15PM on January 24, 2009

Place an apple in the bag with your potatoes to keep them from budding.

Joke of the day
1:14PM on January 24, 2009

A Trip to Zoo

Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?" His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk." "No, at the other end." "That, son is the tail." "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing." The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question. "Daddy, what is that long thing?" "That's the trunk, son," replies the father. "No at the other end." "Oh, that is the tail." "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" "Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy. Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."

Real Fact #488
10:16AM on January 23, 2009

Place a slice of bread in the storage container to keep cookies soft when storing.

Joke of the day
10:13AM on January 23, 2009

Artificial Insemination

After much soul searching and having determined the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups. She was feeling rather awkward about the entire procedure when the doctor came in. Her anxiety was not diminished by the sight of him pulling down his pants! "Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here?" yelped the woman, pulling herself into a sitting position. "Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor. "Well, yes, I do," answered the woman. "Then lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor. "We're all out of the bottled stuff. You'll just have to settle for what's on tap."

Real Fact #489
10:13AM on January 22, 2009

To keep an ice cream cone from dripping, stuff a miniature marshmellow into the bottom of the cone.

Joke of the day
10:10AM on January 22, 2009

What My Daddy Told Me

Daddy told me long ago,

"Son, don't play with your dick.

Your teeth will rot, your nose will grow,

It's sure to make you sick."

"Your palms will get all hairy,

Or so I've heard it said.

You'll grow up to be a fairy

Just like your uncle Ned."

"Your bones will crack, your skin will crawl

Your back will always ache.

You won't grow more than four feet tall.

Your knees will start to shake."

"Your tongue will get all mushy,

Your hair will all turn green,

And then you'll lose your tushy

Before you turn thirteen."

"Your ears will flop, your eyes will cross,

Your crotch will start to smell.

Your brain will turn to applesauce.

You'll die and go to hell."

"And if they ask me how you died,

I'll tell them you were sick.

But in my heart I'll know I lied.

It's 'cause you pulled your prick!"

Daddy went to work this morn

And Mommy's in the kitchen.

I think I'll get out Daddy's porn

And give myself a twitchin'.

Real Fact #490
10:45AM on January 21, 2009

To take lumps out of a bag of sugar, place in the refrigerator for 24 hours.