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Keepin It Real
9:18PM on August 23, 2010
 Wow I didn't realize it's been sooooo long since I last posted a blog. Life has been very trying for me in the last month or so. Lots of unbelievable issues have surfaced and have definitely tested my strength and ability to be able to deal with such craziness. But guess what? I'm still here! LOL On a serious note though, I was diagnosed with chronic depression last month and that is why alot of you haven't seen me online a whole lot like I used to be. Who would have thought someone who is living the life she dreamed of with a few exceptions, but to have pretty much everything she has wanted along with such great fans, friends and family.
How could someone with all that be depressed? Very easy actually and I am here as living proof, it can happen. I still don't quite understand it fully myself yet, just knew that feeling down alot, wanting to sleep all day everyday, not wanting to go out and socialize was becoming a huge problem and ultimately affecting my job as well. That's definitely the total opposite of how I used to be. But alot has changed in my life in the last few years, not so much in a good sense either. So that has been a real struggle for me and continues to be more challenging everyday.
I know that things will look up someday or at least I hope so. Life really can't be that bad, or can it? Only time will tell. One thing I will say is that having Chronic depression is scary, when I first started noticing my life going in a huge spiral, not being able to do anything about it and then sitting back and watching it all happen, becoming suicidal, I knew something wasn't right. Being motivated is a huge task for someone that deals with depression. That means being motivated to do anything! Even something so important as to have the bills and living expenses taken care of.
When you start to not care about any of that, that becomes a huge issue and truly does affect your well being as it did with mine. Financial issues are finally starting to come together and things are starting to look up once again, just sometimes I wonder how long will it last this time? Seems to be an up and down thing.
I've spoken with a few of my girlfriends online during my time away and I am thankful to know I'm not alone in this. Learning to take one day at a time and not overwhelm myself with too many things all at once. Having a psychiatrist and being on medication helps too! LOL Kinda scared about being on Anti Depressants but they seem to be helping things a little, so I take that as a good thing:) So now the world knows and honestly I feel alot better letting it out and not having to pretend anymore. With that said I am going to try and blog more from now on, whether it be personal, non personal, I am me, and this is my place to say whatever is on my mind at any given time, so I plan to make more used of it:)
Hope you all have a fabulous week!
xoxo
Mikayla
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| Comments |
marcu... |
August 25, 2010 (Report It)
trust in yrself my sweet |
turbo... |
August 23, 2010 (Report It)
i'm not a parent like yourself but i to am wanting better things in their lives. hell i may be in school but i have no job nor car so im stuck and with no where to go and not have a girlfriend in my life. and family is good-bad in my life. its great to have them in my life but there are times that i can do without them or even by the ALMIGHTY to take me off this world cause i know my family can do great without me and not need me around any more. but hey that just me. things will work out of you i know it will |
fanta... |
August 23, 2010 (Report It)
Wow Mami! Thanks for feeling comfortable to tell us this. You didn't have to. I was depressed (not chronic though) and on medication after my Mom passed away. Life is full of "IFs" but it's what we do with them. Keep your head up and know that I'm pulling for you! |
Bandaids |
August 23, 2010 (Report It)
Hey hun having spent 26 years as an Army Medic trust me I have seen many ppl that have going through what you are. I myself have gone through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (and come through the other side whole) so understand many of the difficulty's you are/will face. One day at a time hun but also set goals for yourself....make them attainable goals ones that you can reach. I don't want to see you set unrealistic goals for yourself and not be able to attain them as it well only make your more depressed. Once you reached the goal you have set for yourself you can always set the mark a little higher for that same goal if you want or move on to a different attainable goal you set and so on. I'm sure you can pull yourself out of this one little step at a time. Not going to happen over night as it didn't for me at all but you can do this in time. (((Huzzzzzz)))) |
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It's HUMP Day:)
2:40PM on February 24, 2010
 OMG I've been so busy lately haven't had time to blog at all:( I thought I would take a few minutes and gab a little bit. Although I could go on for days about what's been happening lol I will keep it short and not bore you too much:) Hehe Jumping over one hurdle after another lately it seems. Lots going on in my friends lives and it seems like I'm running out of duct tape to help them. But I keep trying because that who I am. I'm not the person to give up so easily and for those of you that know me pretty well, you know this is more than true:)
I go above and beyond for people I care about and then some. 300% if you will. Hard to find that in anyone now a days. A good friend of mine that I have known for 8 years is going through some real shitty times right now and has been for the last 10 years or so, but it only seems to be getting worse in his mind. He has a lot of mental issues and depression, I can understand the depression thing, but never had it as severe as him to the point where everyday you live, you just wanna give up. It's been stressful because I am trying to get him to talk with a professional about this before it eats him alive. And he refuses:( Doesn't wanna talk to "strangers" as he calls it , let alone tell them his problems. I feel like after the last 3 months or so, that I am slowly making progess with him. We are now trying to think of a Plan "C" together. Still thinking hard about it. It makes it all the more difficult when you won't talk to anyone!
Not sure where we will take this road, but all I can do is be positive and keep trying. I care alot for him as we dated 8 years ago, but with his mental issues and depression that changed that all very quickly. We only got in contact again about 2 years ago. He said he wants help, but it's just a matter of going and getting it, without talking to people, I don't know how that's gonna be possible. We will see what happens though, after putting my whole heart and soul into trying to "save" him, I'm drained and gonna back off for a bit and concentrate on work again. I hate how life is so tough sometimes, it really makes other important things hard to focus on. But helping others, has always been my fortay, So I do what I have to do:) Hope you all have a great day, YAY! for the weekend soon! LOL
xoxo
Mikayla
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| Comments |
BROOK... |
March 02, 2010 (Report It)
your a great buddy stay true xoxoxoxxox |
Kali-... |
February 26, 2010 (Report It)
Very Nice and Love the background picture |
xm202... |
February 24, 2010 (Report It)
You are pretty awesome. |
turbo... |
February 24, 2010 (Report It)
u r a great friend!! keep at it!! |
Tweety79 |
February 24, 2010 (Report It)
I adore you for caring for others who have mental anxiety, I for one have had problems for years with war memories that only depress and scare me, professionals wanted to pump me full of pills....they didn't want to cure they only know how to medicate. I have had my best success with an I ndian healer from the Mohawk tribe in Manitoba, who has helped with a regimen of natural mind enhanceing supplements. They don't take away the dreams or depression but give me enough mental drive to not have to deal with it as often. History of this guys depression and what triggers it are a mystery to me but fearing professioals isn't always a bad thing....if there is someone who cares and listens. Kewl Beans babe...just my 14 chips worth lol xoxoxoxo |
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