Keepin It Real
9:18PM on August 23, 2010
 Wow I didn't realize it's been sooooo long since I last posted a blog. Life has been very trying for me in the last month or so. Lots of unbelievable issues have surfaced and have definitely tested my strength and ability to be able to deal with such craziness. But guess what? I'm still here! LOL On a serious note though, I was diagnosed with chronic depression last month and that is why alot of you haven't seen me online a whole lot like I used to be. Who would have thought someone who is living the life she dreamed of with a few exceptions, but to have pretty much everything she has wanted along with such great fans, friends and family.
How could someone with all that be depressed? Very easy actually and I am here as living proof, it can happen. I still don't quite understand it fully myself yet, just knew that feeling down alot, wanting to sleep all day everyday, not wanting to go out and socialize was becoming a huge problem and ultimately affecting my job as well. That's definitely the total opposite of how I used to be. But alot has changed in my life in the last few years, not so much in a good sense either. So that has been a real struggle for me and continues to be more challenging everyday.
I know that things will look up someday or at least I hope so. Life really can't be that bad, or can it? Only time will tell. One thing I will say is that having Chronic depression is scary, when I first started noticing my life going in a huge spiral, not being able to do anything about it and then sitting back and watching it all happen, becoming suicidal, I knew something wasn't right. Being motivated is a huge task for someone that deals with depression. That means being motivated to do anything! Even something so important as to have the bills and living expenses taken care of.
When you start to not care about any of that, that becomes a huge issue and truly does affect your well being as it did with mine. Financial issues are finally starting to come together and things are starting to look up once again, just sometimes I wonder how long will it last this time? Seems to be an up and down thing.
I've spoken with a few of my girlfriends online during my time away and I am thankful to know I'm not alone in this. Learning to take one day at a time and not overwhelm myself with too many things all at once. Having a psychiatrist and being on medication helps too! LOL Kinda scared about being on Anti Depressants but they seem to be helping things a little, so I take that as a good thing:) So now the world knows and honestly I feel alot better letting it out and not having to pretend anymore. With that said I am going to try and blog more from now on, whether it be personal, non personal, I am me, and this is my place to say whatever is on my mind at any given time, so I plan to make more used of it:)
Hope you all have a fabulous week!
xoxo
Mikayla
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