Sex Before Marriage
8:11PM on March 17, 2010
Some time ago I had a conversation with a co-worker about whether or not I would want to hold off on sex with someone I'm dating before I marry them and it is something I spent a lot of time thinking about. When it comes down to it, I'd have to say no. While I admit that while love is important in deciding who you spend forever with, all the love in the world won't keep a marriage together, if they aren't compatible. The marriage just won't last and will end the moment passion is gone.
Personality compatibility is very important and is one of the main factors I look for in women I would consider marriage material. But this blog wouldn't be here if I was going to go into personality compatibility. Besides I've beaten that dead horse and cremated it in my other blogs. That just leaves sexual compatibility.
To be completely honest, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of taking my vows without knowing if the person that I'm marrying will be willing to satisfy specific needs and whether or not the person with whom I'm entering a union, will ask things of me that I'm just not willing to perform in the bedroom. For an example, I'm not exactly sure I could get married to someone who gets turned off by the idea of performing oral. It would be too late to find this out after getting married, especially if it is to remain a monogamous marriage. Also there is a question of whether one partner is able to keep up with the other partner's libido. If one wants it more than the other, it's just simply not going to work either. What if one partner has an open relationship as a requirement and the other completely hates the idea of an open marriage? There are various other scenarios I can think of and it seems to me that the only endings possible are that one or both partners will try to seek happiness outside of the marriage or the union will collapse. And possibly both.
Besides there are so many things I need to learn about myself before I can say 'I do' with absolute confidence and sincerity. I need to know whether or not I can be happy in a monogamous relationship or if I require something more flexible. I need to know what my personal limits are. I need to know if whether or not the idea of something is more of a turn on to me than the actual execution. Most of all, I need to know if I'll be comfortable with the person I am after everything is said and done. And if either of us is forced to look outside of the marriage, or to keep up a facade in order to keep the marriage together, I won't be.
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